Bloody Hell! Why?
by Phish Tacko
Summary: Anthony was not expecting this to happen when he came to London for the first time. Not for the faint of heart or squeamish. Written because I'm sick and twisted. Rated for profanity, rape, and mpreg.
1. That fateful night in March

**Summary: It's me being weird. And I love Anthony, so get over it. NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. Or the squeamish. Or if you love Anthony as much as I do but hate to see him suffer. I am extremely embarrassed to post this, but we'll see what happens. Shout-outs go to my homegirl Shebelle (Hey, if I go down, I'm taking her down with me), who helped me write several chunks of it. THERE WILL PROBABLY BE DELETED SCENES AT THE END.**

**Disclaimer: As much as it kills me to admit it, I don't own Sweeney Todd or Jamie Campbell Bower. Or the format, really, because I think it's Stephen King that writes somewhat like this.**

**WARNING: Contains rape and a pregnancy. Viewer discretion is strongly advised. Not for anyone under 15, most likely. Thoughts and songs throughout the story will be in parenthesis because I'm channeling Stephen King. Get over it.**

* * *

_Late March_

As Anthony walked through the dark unfamiliar streets of London, he sighed. Once again, he was lost. He had been lost for the better part of the day. Night had fallen and he could barely tell where he was walking.

(always getting lost tired of being lost)

Anthony stopped suddenly

(what was that?)

when he heard a noise behind him. It sounded like a scraping noise, like a shoe against pavement. But once he turned around, the noise stopped.

(only my imagination)

Anthony slowly turned back around and began once more. The noise also started back up a few seconds after he began walking.

(what is going on)

He continued until he began to pass a shop window. Walking past, he watched the reflection in in the window out the corner of his eye and noticed a dark shadow following him.

(keep going)

Anthony stopped and heaved a sigh.

"All right," He said loudly. "whoever is following me, this is stupid. You're not being funny."

The scraping noise was closer behind him then and he wheeled around, giving no warning to his stalker. But before he could get a good look at their face, the side of his head was met by something hard. He fell to his hands and knees as his vision swam nauseatingly. Bright spots danced in front of his eyes as he groaned in pain and put a hand to where he'd been struck.

(RUN IDIOT RUN)

Without thinking, Anthony rose to his feet and began to run blindly. He'd left his knapsack, but he continued running without a second thought anyway as he began hearing shouts.

Anthony's foot suddenly caught on a loose stone in the pavement and he tripped, falling on his face.

"Ow…" he groaned as he heard footsteps and voices approaching.

"Take 'im in here." One voice said, accompanied by a heavy German accent.

"Where?" Another voice asked, this time accompanied by a Scottish accent.

"In there, you idiot!"

(play dead)

Two hands suddenly gripped Anthony's arms and yanked him to his feet before dragging him into a nearby alley.

(PLAY DEAD YOU MORON)

Anthony was suddenly thrown to the cold hard ground. This time, he made no attempt to escape.

"Let's get this done." A third voice said, accompanied by a gruff Russian accent.

(what're they going to do to me)

Anthony could feel blood running down the side of his face as he lifted his head to get a good look at his attackers.

"Keep yer head down, boy!" The German man roared before kicking Anthony in the stomach. The young sailor coughed violently and gasped for air as he lowered his head and rested it on his arm. "Keep yer head down or we'll do worse to ya."

Anthony fought back tears as he was rolled roughly onto his stomach.

(no this is wrong)

His hands were yanked behind him and he grunted as they were roughly pinned at the wrists by a large calloused hand.

(only one shot at escaping scream for help)

(DO IT)

Anthony began to scream.

He screamed as loud as he could, causing his captors to momentarily pause in shock.

"Don't just stand there, you idiot!" The Russian man hissed. "Shut him up!"

The Scotsman complied and gagged Anthony with his free hand. Helpless and unable to make a sound, Anthony began to cry silently as a huge weight was pressed down upon him.

(NO NO NO WRONG)

His head was then hit by something hard and he finally fell into the safety of unconsciousness.

* * *

When he finally came back to reality, Anthony found himself lying on his side in a very dark alley. He was cold

(so cold)

and he felt slightly ill.

(how did I get here)

Anthony groaned and closed his eyes again as he became aware of his throbbing belly.

(what…?)

A raindrop suddenly splashed down his forehead, startling him. He gasped and opened his eyes again as it began to pour.

Anthony attempted to sit up but found it rather difficult and painful to move. His stomach throbbed and he was becoming aware of a dull ache in his lower back.

(oh dear)

The memory of that night suddenly came flooding back to him with sickening clarity as he rolled slowly onto his back.

(what did they do to me)

Anthony was suddenly aware of something warm, wet, and thick running down his legs.

(blood)

He realized in horror that it was most likely blood. His stomach churned at the thought and he groaned once more and squeezed his eyes shut. The frigid rain continued to thoroughly soak his clothes, hair, and skin and he shivered, turned his head to the side, and started to cry quietly.

* * *

Sweeney sighed contentedly as he walked through the dark rainy London streets. He'd always loved walking in the rain and it was his first chance in several years to enjoy it.

The barber's foot suddenly caught on a loose stone in the road and he tripped, landing face-first near a puddle.

"If there's one thing that hasn't changed at all," He sighed to himself. "it's that I'm still clumsy as hell." He got to his feet and continued to walk.

Sweeney paused when he heard a noise emanating from a nearby alley. It sounded like a pained moan.

(probably a hobo)

Against his better judgment, he ventured into the alley to see what was the matter.

(DUMBASS STAY OUT)

Lightening flashed overhead and briefly illuminated the alley and Sweeney noticed that someone was lying on the ground.

(who)

The barber crept closer to the body cautiously. The moaning got a bit louder and he realized that the person on the ground was the one moaning. Lightening flashed again and Sweeney could see that their clothes were bloody and undone a fair amount.

"Help me… please…" They whimpered as he continued to inch toward them.

(familiar voice)

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, the person's face became clearer and easier to see. It was wet with the rain and streaked with blood. Details of their features, on the other hand, were more difficult to distinguish in the dark.

"Anthony?" Sweeney asked gingerly. The person on the ground choked out a sob as he knelt down next to them. Lightening flashed across the sky once more and Sweeney could see that the person was indeed Anthony.

"Mr Todd?" Anthony shifted and looked up at his friend through tear-filled eyes.

"What's happened to you?" the barber asked, genuine concern evident in his voice. Anthony merely whimpered in response and curled into a ball on his side, facing away from Sweeney. "It's all right, Anthony, you can tell me." Anthony just sobbed as Sweeney lifted him into a sitting position and briefly looked him over. His face and wrists were bruised and his clothes were almost completely saturated with blood in certain areas.

"Come on, let's get you back to the shop. We aren't far." The young sailor suddenly felt an arm slip around his thin waist and another around his bony knees before he was lifted off the ground. He shivered in the barber's arms and sobbed against his warm neck.

"You were attacked, weren't you?" Sweeney asked as he continued to carry Anthony down the street. Mrs Lovett's pie shop was visible now, the sailor could see, even as consciousness began to leave him again.

(cold)

"We're almost there." he heard the barber say as they drew closer to the shop. "Mrs Lovett's brother is a doctor. He'll take care of you." Anthony groaned and looked up at Sweeney through half closed eyes

(almost there)

as they approached the door.

* * *

Mrs Lovett sighed and looked over at her twin brother, who was sitting at a table and watching her clean the counter.

"Shop's a bit dirty, in'nit?" he asked, a goofy smile spreading across his face.

"Shut up, Mark." the baker shot back, stepped out from behind the counter, and whapped Mark lightly upside the head with her trusty dust rag.

"Ow…" he rubbed his head and glared at his sister, who chuckled.

"Oh, c'mon, I didn't hit you that hard." Mrs Lovett reached over and ruffled Mark's dark red hair. "You're crazy."

"You are, too."

KNOCK KNOCK

Mrs Lovett opened the front door, hoping to see a customer.

"Mr T!" she exclaimed, ushering him into the shop and eyeballing the boy lying in Sweeney's arms with suspicion. "Who's this?" The boy was young, that much was certain. He couldn't have possibly been any older than 16 or 17. His clothes were stained with blood and completely soaked by the rain that had been pouring for the past hour or so. His eyes were closed and his breathing was also fairly shallow.

"His name is Anthony." Sweeney replied as Mrs Lovett led him into her parlor. Mark followed in curiosity.

"Set him down here." Mrs Lovett commanded as she moved a rug out of the way. Sweeney complied and laid Anthony down gently on the exposed wooden floor. The sailor groaned quietly and turned his head so he faced the baker.

"Here… move." Mark pushed Sweeney gently to the side and sat down on the floor next to Anthony. "Nell, Mr Todd, you two might want to leave the room."

"I'm not leaving." Mrs Lovett said stubbornly. "The poor lad, all alone…" She smoothed Anthony's blood-streaked hair away from his face. "He needs someone to comfort him, he does."

Mark sighed. "All right, fine."

"I'm gonna… I'm just gonna wait outside." Sweeney said uncomfortably as he inched toward the door.

"Go ahead." the doctor nodded at the barber, who nodded in response and hurried out the door. Mark cleared his throat and turned around before beginning to remove Anthony's blood-stained clothes.

"No…" Anthony groaned as he opened his eyes a bit.

"Shh… Hush now, love, it's all right." The baker put a soft hand to the sailor's forehead gently and offered him a faint smile. "He's a doctor." Anthony seemed to relax slightly at Mrs Lovett's soft tone of voice. Mark proceeded to knead along Anthony's shoulders, feeling the bones and working his way down his arms.

Anthony jolted and cried out as the doctor began to feel his ribs.

"Wot?" Mrs Lovett asked as Mark lightly ran his fingers over an inky bruise on Anthony's side. It was swollen, unlike most of the other dark bruises that adorned nearly all of the rest of his torso.

(broken rib)

As Mark continued to feel along Anthony's torso, he detected 2 more broken ribs.

"Nell, he's broken three of his ribs." He turned to his sister. "We'll need a splint." Mrs Lovett nodded and left to find a suitable splint.

Mark continued feeling along Anthony's torso for more injuries at the waist briefly before moving down to his legs. His legs seemed fine, save for an extremely large dark bruise and several cuts, as well as some dried blood.

(one last thing)

Mark placed his fore and middle fingers on the side of Anthony's neck and checked his pulse.

(pulse normal)

Anthony groaned softly at the doctor's cold hands.

(like ice)

Mark ignored this and put a hand to Anthony's forehead to check his temperature

(feverish)

and then proceeded to take his ledger from his bag.

"Three broken ribs," He wrote. "Two left, one right. Massively bruised right fibula." He glanced at Anthony and continued writing. "Pulse, normal. Temperature, slightly feverish." he glanced at Anthony once more and paused when he noticed what looked like a scrape on the inside of his thigh.

"What the…?" Mark moved closer to Anthony and squinted at his leg. "What is that?"

Anthony shivered

(so cold)

and turned his head to the side, giving the doctor a crystal-clear view of the gash at his hairline, just above his ear.

"Oh, dear…" he thought aloud as he began to consider what might have been done to the sailor.

(attack)

Mark shuddered and went back to examining Anthony. His leg had turned so as he had a clearer view of the bloody scrape.

"How did this happen?" He asked himself, turning away from Anthony and rummaging through his bag for bandages. The placement of the scrape seemed quite odd to him, though, being so high up on the leg, and on the inside, no less.

(Think Pinciotti THINK)

Mark's eyes widened slightly when he caught sight of an almost identical scrape on Anthony's other leg.

(same positioning on the leg)

"These markings…" He said to himself. "Something one would find on a victim of… Oh dear…"

"What?"

Mark jumped when he heard Mrs Lovett's voice behind him.

"Nell, do you have to do that?" He put a hand over his heart.

"Is he all right?"

"He'll be fine, most likely, but he might take awhile to heal." Mark glanced at Anthony's legs again and sighed. "Have you got a splint?"

"Yup." Mrs Lovett held up a wide strip of cloth and a couple of small boards.

"Good. Excellent." Mark knelt down next to Anthony and draped a blanket over his midsection. "Help me set the bones."

As the twins set to work, Anthony continued to watch the horror show of what had happened that night in his mind.

(happening again)

(walking through the London streets and lost hearing a noise I stop nobody is there)

Anthony groaned in his barely-conscious state and turned his head.

(another noise. another noise and now I stop impact to the head RUN watch for the loose stone in the pavement those little bastards are tricky)

He gasped as two of his ribs suddenly snapped back into place.

"Now for the right…" He heard someone mumble before he drifted back the alley.

(burly bastards pulled me into an alley everything is a blur. a dead zone like their voices)

All he seemed to remember of their voices was a distorted Satanic-sounding jumble.

(stop please just let me go)

(German man curly brown hair Scottish blonde Russian long black hair tied back)

Anthony gasped again as two cold hands grasped his legs at the thighs and gently separated them.

(no)

(darkness cold someone on top of me they hurt me and hurt me and hurt me please stop )

He gasped once again as he felt something hot, thick, and wet splatter onto his legs.

(blood I bleed oh the blood the blood it hurts)

"He's still bleeding." He heard someone say.

(thrusts more hurt no more please it hurts they hurt me and hurt me and hurt me stop this is wrong WRONG _**WRONG**_)

Anthony groaned weakly as he was gently rolled onto his stomach. He felt the two cold hands again on the backs of his thighs.

(no please no more)

As his legs were once again separated, Anthony began to whimper in anxiety.

(no more…)

"Oh, dear…"

(cold ground someone on top of me again more thrusts it hurts. oooh it hurts! more thrusts I bleed they hurt me and hurt me please oh please stop it hurts PLEASE JUST)

"Stop…" Anthony whimpered as he was rolled onto his back once more. "Please…"

"Shh…" Mrs Lovett soothed as she stroked his hair. His eyes opened and darted about the room blindly.

"Mother…" He whimpered as tears filled his eyes. The baker bit her lip and reached for Anthony's hand. His eyes closed and he drew in a deep shuddering breath as he felt her warm hand grasp his cold hand gently.

(more darkness I'm pulled up pushed against a wall it hurts they push me)

Anthony sighed quietly and turned his head again.

(no stop please it hurts more thrusts they hurt me and hurt me and hurt me they hurt me)

(and throw me down)

(and all leave I bleed more I'm alone please someone help me)

"Stop it…" He whimpered as the two hands suddenly left his legs. Something soft brushed against his bare skin after awhile and he was lifted into the air.

"Let's get you cleaned up." This voice sounded kind. Feminine and motherly.

Anthony was suddenly aware that he was being lowered into something warm and wet.

(BLOOD)

He let out a groan and attempted to struggle free of the arms that held him, but was lowered into the warm liquid anyway and shushed. He felt his body go limp and he began to cry once more as he heard someone begin to speak.

"It's all right, love. Calm down…" A hand was suddenly supporting the back of his head. "I'm not going to hurt you. Just going to clean you up a bit, that's right." Anthony shivered and let himself settle into the warm water, and was soon aware of someone beginning to wash his hair.

"All that blood…" Mrs Lovett said quietly to herself. "Poor lad…"

Anthony gasped as the soap began to seep into the cuts that littered his body. His eyes opened

(it stings)

and he jolted awake.

(what's going on where am I what's happening to me?)

Anthony's eyes darted around the unfamiliar room. His heart raced and his breathing began to speed up

(I'm scared where am I?)

until he felt someone stroke his hair, just as his mother used to do. He turned his head and saw that a woman of about forty sat at the side of the tub with a cloth.

"There, there…" The woman soothed as she rubbed one of his thin arms with a cloth. Her skin was pale and slightly sallow and her hair was dark red, curly, and piled atop her head. "Nothin' to be afraid of, love." Anthony relaxed as she put his arm back into the water, shifted him so he leaned against the side of the tub and faced her, and started to wash his back. "Seems like you've been through quite an ordeal."

"Mm-hmm…" Anthony sighed tiredly and looked down at himself to assess the damage done. Cuts and bruises littered his pale skin and the water around him was a dingy pinkish color with his blood and grime. A large dark bruise glared up at him from his right leg and he sighed tiredly once more, folded his arms on the rim of the tub, laid his head down, closed his eyes, and eventually dozed off as Mrs Lovett continued to bathe him.

* * *

Anthony suddenly jolted awake, covered in a cold sweat, eyes wide open.

(What where am I?)

He had no recollection of what had happened the previous night or how he ended up in the unfamiliar bed he was lying in.

(not my bed not the bountiful)

He winced in pain as he propped himself up on his elbows and sat up to take a look at his surroundings. The room was mostly bare, he could see, with stained wallpaper peeling off the walls. A chair sat in the middle of the room and a vanity sat in a corner. The bed he was lying on was nothing more than a matress on the floor with some blankets covering it.

(some sort of shop it looks like)

The sailor froze when he heard a noise from across the room. It sounded like someone was shuffling through papers.

(not alone not alone in this unfamiliar room)

A sudden creaking noise startled Anthony and he burrowed under the covers in fear. Under the covers, he could hear what sounded like footsteps approaching the bed.

"Anthony?" The voice he heard was masculine and sounded decidedly familiar. "Are you awake?" The covers were slowly pulled down, exposing their faces to each other. From there, Anthony could see that the speaker was Mr Todd. "Hey."

"Where… where am I?"

"You're in my shop." Sweeney sat down on the bed at Anthony's side. "Seems like you've been through quite an ordeal. Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"I don't remem-" Anthony was cut off as the memory of the previous night came rushing back to him with a sickening clarity. "Oh…" His stomach clenched and he cringed, suddenly feeling rather nauseated.

"Anthony?" Anthony felt a hand on his forehead as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Anthony? Anthony!" He snapped out of his stupor as a hand shook his shoulder gently. He looked up at Sweeney as tears began to fill his eyes.

"Mr Todd?" Anthony sniffled and rubbed at his eyes.

"Yes?" Worry was evident in the barber's tone.

"I think I might've been…" Tears began falling from Anthony's eyes and his stomach lurched as he sat up. "I think I was... Oh, God..." Anthony suddenly began to cry before he could finish his sentence. He covered his face with his hands and rocked himself back and forth until he felt a pair of arms pull him against something warm and firm. He uncovered his eyes and then realized that Sweeney was hugging him.

As the barber held his friend, he began to feel something akin to pity… and anger. Somebody'd had the gall to besmirch someone so young and innocent. Anthony was

(naïve)

merely a boy, after all, hardly even a man yet.

(pisses me off)

"Everything's going to be fine." Sweeney patted Anthony's soft hair with one hand and, without realizing it, began rocking back and forth. Anthony continued sobbing as he laid there in Sweeney's arms, even as the nausea he was feeling began to overtake him.

Anthony suddenly gagged and jerked away from the barber as he felt something rising in his throat. He kicked the covers out of his way, hopped to the floor, hovered over a nearby basin, and proceeded to empty the contents of his stomach.

Sweeney cringed and turned his head away as Anthony threw up once more. He'd always hated seeing people get sick.

(Lucy are you all right are you sick?)

"Uh…" Sweeney stood and gingerly took a step toward his sick friend. It had been a very long time since he'd been in one of these situations.

(aw shit how am I going to handle this?)

The barber edged closer to Anthony, who gasped before vomiting once more.

(oh geez)

Sweeney slowly knelt down next to Anthony, reached for his hair, and gathered it away from his face.

"Thanks…" The young sailor panted before he threw up one last time.

(ew)

Anthony groaned and sat back against Sweeney as his nausea finally began to fade.

"Are you all right?" Sweeney asked as Anthony closed his eyes. "We could have Mark take another look at you-"

"No, it's all right, I'm fine…" Anthony panted as he rested his head on Sweeney's shoulder. "It's most likely shock from being on dry land after being at sea for so long… I've had it before."

"Ah." The barber helped his friend to his feet before leading him back to the bed. "Here. Lie down and rest." Anthony obeyed, laid down on the bed, and let Sweeney pull the covers over him. "It's still early." He sighed tiredly and let himself go limp on the mattress as his ribs began to ache. He was also becoming aware of a throbbing in his lower back.

(memory of the night before)

"Are you sure you're all right?" Concern was once again evident in the barber's tone as he sat down on the bed next to Anthony, who nodded and yawned, closed his eyes, and eventually went back to sleep.

"Alrighty, then."

* * *

**Hopefully this was better than all the other pieces of crap I call "writing". My longest first chapter to date, woo-ee.**

******A little background information on Mark Pinciotti: He's Mrs Lovett's twin brother and he's a doctor. He's been helping his sister survive because her meat pies suck and she can't get some freaking customers. As for portrayal: Picture Topher Grace (Remember? Eric Foreman? That 70's Show?), but a little older and with dark red hair. That's really all you need.**


	2. Month 1, part 1: Johanna

**Summary: Chapter two. Month one begins. Anthony sees Johanna for the first time. Whatever you want to call it, people.**

**Disclaimer: I still have no ownership over anything in this fic. **

**Author's note: Songs would most likely also be thoughts, which is why they are in parenthesis and they are there for effect. Get over it.**

**Contains the introduction of a new character (portrayed by Taylor Lautner /Jacob Black with long hair, for all you Twilight fans that are reading this)!**

* * *

_Early April_

Anthony rounded a street corner, eyes glued to the small book of maps in his hand. He figured that he was once again lost as he looked up from his book and glanced around at his surroundings.

(I am such a fucking dumbass)

Suddenly beginning to feel dizzy, the sailor approached a nearby bench and sat down, setting his bag aside and sighing. He'd been feeling ill for at least a week, waking each morning to be violently sick.

(felt like this for a week what the hell is wrong with me?)

Anthony suddenly looked up when he heard what sounded like a girl singing.

_(green finch and linnet bird nightingale blackbird how is it you sing?)_

Her voice was high, smooth, and melancholy as she sang. Her song seemed to emanate from an upstairs window.

_(how can you jubilate sitting in cages never taking wing? outside the sky waits beckoning)_

_(beckoning just beyond the bars how can you remain staring at the rain maddened by the stars?)_

Anthony's eyes traveled up a stone building until they beheld a beautiful girl with alabaster skin.

_(how is it you sing anything how is it you sing?)_

Her most striking feature, however, was her lustrous blonde hair. It was pulled back away from her face and it coursed down her back in loose ringlets.

(so beautiful)

Anthony closed his book and rose from the bench, absentmindedly stepping into the road towards her window. He could see her looking down at him through the glass, a faint smile on her angelic face as she continued to sing to her birds.

_(my cage has many rooms damask and dark nothing there sings not even my lark)_

Anthony could feel his face growing hot as a blush spread across his cheeks and a silly grin stretched across his full lips.

_(larks never will you know when they're captive teach me to be more adaptive)_

Butterflies rippled in his stomach. He swore he'd never seen a more beautiful girl in his life.

_(green finch and linnet bird nightingale blackbird teach me how to sing if I cannot fly let me sing)_

Anthony was well aware that his face boasted a goofy smile, but at that moment, he simply didn't give a shit.

"_Alms! Alms for a miserable woman!_" The girl suddenly fled from sight and Anthony stepped back as he felt a faint stirring inside of him, like something extremely small and delicate caressing an inner wall of some internal organ of his. "_On a miserable chilly morning!_" A beggar woman approached him from the side, her hand extended toward him, palm-up.

(where'd she come from…?)

As the woman drew closer, Anthony reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple of coins before dropping them into her hand.

"Thank you, sir!" She cried, tucking the coins into her pocket.

"Ma'am?" Anthony stopped her with a gentle touch to her shoulder before she could hobble away. She turned back toward him and looked up at him through the visor of the bonnet that obscured her face. "Can you tell me whose house this is?" Anthony gestured toward the building in front of them.

"Oh… That's the home of the great Judge Turpin, that is…"

"And the young lady who resides there?"

"That's Johanna… His pretty little ward. Keeps 'er snug, he does, all locked up… Don't be trespassin' there, or it's a good whipping for you… Or any other young man with mischief up his sleeve…" She hobbled away then and continued to beg. "_Alms!_" she cried. "_Alms for a desperate woman!_" Anthony raised his eyebrows and turned away, walking back toward the bench.

_(I feel you Johanna)_

He looked up at Johanna's window

_(I feel you)_

and sighed. She was gone from sight but would most likely be back.

_(I was half-convinced I'd waken satisfied enough to dream you happily I was mistaken Johanna)_

Anthony bent down and lifted his knapsack from the ground

_(I'll steal you Johanna)_

before stepping out into the road again and crossing toward her home.

_(I'll steal you)_

* * *

"Hyde Park is that way, young sir!" Anthony was thrown to the ground and landed with a soft thud. "A left and a right straight on, you see?" The sailor stood and lifted his hand to his mouth. He tasted blood. "Move on, now!" A sharp blow between his shoulder blades sent him sprawling. But before he could rise to his feet, something hard whapped him across the back.

"Ugh…" He groaned as he coughed in pain. He felt what seemed like the toe of a boot nudging his tender ribs before he was rolled onto his back.

"You heard what the judge said, little boy. Next time, it'll be your pretty little brains scattered all over the pavement." The rat-like man looking down at him threatened before retreating inside. Anthony rolled onto his side and coughed, rising to his hands and knees before something hit his back hard

(oh yay my bag!)

and knocked him back down.

Anthony coughed a couple more times before getting to his feet and lifting his bag off the ground and onto one shoulder.

_(I'll steal you Johanna)_

He swept one gloved hand across his bloodied face and brushed his tangled hair from his eyes.

_(I'll steal you)_

Anthony stretched his arm out to the side and used the wall to steady himself as he walked on wobbly legs. The end of the alleyway seemed so far away…

_(do they think that walls can hide you? even now I'm at your window I am in the dark beside you)_

He spat blood and coughed as he reached the street.

_(buried sweetly in your yellow hair)_

Anthony looked up at Johanna's window and sighed.

_(I feel you Johanna and one day I'll steal you)_

(where'd she go?)

She was still nowhere to be seen.

_('til I'm with you then I'm with you there sweetly buried in your yellow hair)_

Anthony lowered his eyes, sighed, and turned away. She would be back… he knew it.

* * *

Sweeney sighed as he paced through his shop like he'd been doing for the past several hours as he brooded.

(another boring mundane day)

He looked out the enormous window that overlooked the filthy streets of London and sighed once more.

(Anthony sick something horribly wrong Mark knows)

Sweeney squinted down at the street in front of the shop. Someone was crossing the street and as he stared down at them through his black eyes, he recognized them as Anthony.

"Mrs Lovett!" He called after racing out of the barbershop, onto the small balcony that overlooked a serving area, and then down the stairs. "Mrs Lovett!" Sweeney's foot suddenly skidded on a step and he fell the rest of the way down the stairs.

"Ow…" He got to his feet and stumbled into the pie shop, rubbing the back of his head. "Mrs Lovett?" Mrs Lovett looked up the vegetables she was chopping, almost cutting her finger off in the process.

"Yes?" She asked as Mark looked up from his ledger and Sweeney sat down at a nearby table, putting his head down on his folded arms. At that moment, Anthony stumbled in and collapsed, exhausted, at a table next to Mark. "Trip over air again, Mr T?"

Sweeney gave her The Finger without lifting his head, causing her to giggle.

"I thought so." Mrs Lovett went back to chopping as Mark got up and poked Anthony's shoulder.

"How're you feelin', lad?" He asked as Anthony opened one eye.

"Tired." Anthony sighed as he closed his eye again. Mark took this opportunity to place his fore and middle fingers on the sailor's neck to

(pulse slightly elevated)

check his heartbeat.

"What the hell are you doing?" Anthony asked as Mark felt his forehead

(slightly feverish)

for his temperature.

"Checking your heart and temperature." Mark responded as he wrote some notes in his ledger. "You were very sick when Mr Todd brought you in. Bleeding heavily, too."

"Oh…" Anthony sighed tiredly and began massaging his temples as a headache began to bloom around his eyes. "Ow… Shit!"

"Headache?"

"Yes." Anthony folded his arms on the table and laid his head down on top of them. Mark knelt down in front of him and cleared his throat.

"Show me where it hurts." Anthony lifted his head and groaned, tracing around his eyes with his fingers.

"How about here?" Mark placed his fingertips on Anthony's temples and pressed gently.

(doctor cold hands they feel so good…)

"That feels good…" Anthony squeezed his eyes shut and sighed as Mark began moving his hands in a circular motion. "Ah, shit…" His hand went to his stomach and he groaned as it grumbled loudly.

"Geez, Anthony. Hungry?" Anthony opened his eyes and glanced at Sweeney, who had lifted his head from the table at the sound of a growl.

"A little…" Anthony looked down at his stomach and blushed as it growled again.

"Sounds like you're more than a little hungry."

Anthony gave Sweeney The Finger as his stomach growled again.

"No fighting, you two." Mrs Lovett scolded playfully from behind the counter before stepping out with a carrot in her hand. "Here, maybe this will help." She put the carrot into Anthony's hand and he ate it gratefully.

"Thank you, ma'am."

* * *

As Anthony laid awake in bed that night, he sighed.

(what time is it…?)

It felt like he'd been lying there for ages, but sleep would not come to him.

He sat up and gingerly placed a hand to his abdomen where he'd been injured little more than a week ago. The bruises had faded a bit, but he could still feel them there.

"Ugh…" Anthony put his head in his hands and sighed.

(what the fuck is wrong with me?)

He'd been having difficulty sleeping at night, but absolutely none falling asleep in the middle of the day.

(unlike me to need naps)

Normally, Anthony could sleep through just about anything, such as being tossed from his hammock while on the Bountiful during a storm. He'd never needed to take naps, not since he was a small child.

(sick?)

Anthony sighed and burrowed underneath the covers. He was just so tired, and so cold…

(weird must be sick no other explanation)

* * *

When dawn approached, Anthony had fallen into a fitful sleep. Sunlight spilled onto his blanket, but he did not stir.

(wake up butthead)

Birds chirped outside and Anthony's eyes suddenly fluttered open.

(crap I'm awake)

The sailor groaned and rolled

(start day)

to the side of the bed.

"Fuck…" He groaned as nausea began to spread through his stomach, just like every morning for the past week. "Not again…" Anthony groaned, sat up, hopped down next to the basin he'd had the foresight to place on the floor next to the bed, and heaved the meager contents of his stomach into it.

"Bloody hell…" Anthony coughed and sat back against the bed, sighing and squeezing his eyes shut. "Why?"

_Later that day…_

"HOPE!"

Anthony turned his head at the sound of someone calling his name.

"Hey, Kelso!" He greeted as he stopped to let the other teen catch up to him. "¿Comó estás?"

"Ah, bien, my friend!" Jacob slung a tanned arm around Anthony's thin shoulders and they began walking. "How's your life?"

"It's all right." Anthony tucked his hair behind his ears and sighed. "Been sick as hell, but I'm fine."

"You been sick?"

"I believe I just said that." Jacob's eyes widened and he stepped away from Anthony.

"Is it the flu?" He asked.

"No, fucktard." Anthony punched Jacob in the arm. "I've had the flu before and this is no bloody flu."

"Ow…" Jacob recoiled, rubbing his arm. "You hit hard…"

"Shut up, Kelso." The younger boy shot back. "You're stronger than I am."

"Still…"

"And you're not the one who often gets mistaken for a girl."

"Heh… This is true." Jacob chuckled and ruffled Anthony's hair. "But seriously. You look bad."

Indeed, Anthony's skin was even paler than usual, making the dark circles under his eyes appear more apparent. His eyes were slightly puffy and swollen and his clothes seemed to hang even looser on his already-thin frame.

"I know…" Anthony sighed and sniffled. "I always look bad."

"You didn't look this bad last week when you and that guy left the ship." Jacob reached up and scratched the tip of his nose. "Now, HE looked bad."

"Mr Todd did _not_ look that bad."

"He looked sick, Hope."

"Maybe that's just how he looks. Ma- maybe he's just perpetually sick." Anthony sniffled again and sighed. "Look, Kelso, if it gets any worse, I'll see a doctor, all right?"

"All right, fine." Jacob sighed and the matter was (rather reluctantly) dropped as they turned onto Fleet Street.

"Oooh…" Anthony's hand suddenly went to his stomach and he let out a quiet groan and grimaced.

"Hungry?"

"Yes…" Anthony hitched his knapsack higher onto his back and let his eyes scan the surrounding area. His nose twitched and a sign reading 'Mrs Lovett's Meat Pies' caught his attention. "Look." He pointed at the sign. "Over there. Is the food any good?"

"Hell no." Jacob snorted. "Them's the worst pies in London, I say."

"Oh… That's a shame."

"Yes. Yes it is." Jacob gave a perverted-looking grin and chuckled. "The broad working there is a fine piece of ass, though."

Anthony punched Jacob's arm again.

"Ow! Hope, what the hell was that for?" Jacob recoiled, rubbing his bruised arm.

"Mrs Lovett probably has a family to take care of and is probably barely surviving!"

"Ow… Well, you don't have to smack me…"

"Well, you don't have to be such a dumbass."

"Hope, I was born a dumbass."

"I can see that."

* * *

After a bit more walking, they finally found a small tavern to eat in. There was very little light in there, just enough that they could see their food. The air in there was warm and reeked of smoke.

"Better?" Jacob asked as Anthony sipped his drink.

"Much." He set his drink down on the table, leaned back in his chair, and sighed.

"So…" Jacob took a sip of his ale and cleared his throat. "Been with any nice bitches lately?"

"Not 'til marriage, shithead."

"Damn it, man, you're not getting any younger! There's no way you can stay a virgin much longer."

"Hey. Women are scary. They can cause trouble. You, of all people, ought to know. You've seen what they can do to a man. You're the one who got caught with a cheatin' bitch by her husband."

"Yeah…" Jacob sighed and took another sip of his ale. "The ladies can be evil sometimes.

"Damn right." Anthony took another sip of his drink and sighed. "No place like London, my ass."

* * *

**A lil' background information on Jacob: He is one of Anthony's friends from the Bountiful. And, no, he's not really that important to the plot, but that may change. I'm not certain on what I should do. Oh, and his last name is Kelso.**

**Sweeney will probably trip over something or fall down a set of stairs at least once each chapter. Everyone loves Klutzy Sweeney.**

**Geez, Anthony uses swear words a lot, doesn't he? He's even worse than Sweeney. And I'm not entirely sure what the right English was in the Victorian era or what drinks were served at eateries, so just shut the fuck up and don't nitpick. **

**Okay, yeah, all of you are probably gonna start nitpicking because reverse psychology seems to come across to people as an invitation to do what they're warned not to do. Did that make any sense at all? I doubt it did.**


	3. Month 1, part 2: Kiss Me

**Summary: Chapter three, finally.**

**Disclaimer: I don't really own anything.**

**I think it was damn criminal of Tim Burton to cut "Kiss Me" out of the movie. Just puttin' that out there.**

* * *

_Mid-April_

Anthony gripped the strap of his knapsack until his knuckles turned white and took in a shaky breath as he walked down the street.

(forbidden Johanna rescue)

It had been at least a week since his run-in with Judge Turpin, but he made sure to stick close to the walls and keep his head down as he walked.

(can't let him see you can't)

He looked up at Johanna's window. He could see her up there. Her back was turned and it looked like she was reaching for something.

(oh boy oh boy oh boy)

The window opened and Johanna leaned out. She was smiling in his direction. She could definitely see him

(OMG LOW CUT DRESS AND CLEAVAGE)

and she looked like she was holding something in one hand. A pen, maybe? Anthony didn't have time to guess before Johanna raised her arm and threw the object at him.

(IT'S A SHINY MOTHERFUCKING KEY)

The object clattered at his feet. Anthony bent down and picked it up before looking back at the window and smiling goofily at Johanna.

(big shiteating grin)

She smiled down at him as he turned and began to walk away.

(I'LL STEAL YOU)

* * *

"Mr Todd!" Anthony pushed the door open, only to see a vaguely familiar-looking woman with curly red hair standing there, holding a cloth. "Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am. Excuse me…"

"Mrs Lovett, sir." She said dryly.

"A pleasure, ma'am." Something moved behind the door. Anthony turned and saw that it was Mr Todd standing there. "Mr Todd! There's a girl who needs my help! Such a sad girl, a-and lonely, but beautiful too, and-"

"Slow down, son." Sweeney closed the door and led Anthony to the chair in the center of the room and sat him down.

"Yes… I'm sorry." Anthony set his knapsack down and looked up at Sweeney. "This girl has a guardian who keeps her locked away, but then, this morning, she dropped this." He pulled a key from his pocket. "Surely a sign that Johanna wants me to help her! That's her name. Johanna."

By then, Sweeney was giving him a most peculiar look.

(wonder why mystery to me)

"…And Turpin is her guardian. He's a judge of some sort."

(oh dear)

Sweeney's eyes widened slightly and his eyebrows rose a little.

"Once he goes to court, I'm going to slip into the house, release her, and beg her to come away with me tonight!"

"Oh, this is very romantic." Mrs Lovett piped up from behind him.

"Yes." Anthony turned back to Sweeney. "But I don't know anyone in London, you see, and I need somewhere safe to bring her until I've hired a coach to take us away. If I could keep her here, just for an hour or two, I'd be forever in your debt."

There was a pause.

"Bring 'er here, love." Anthony turned back to Mrs Lovett as she spoke again.

"Thank you, ma'am!" He turned back to Sweeney. "Mr Todd?"

Sweeney appeared to consider the idea before nodding.

"Thank you." Anthony stood and shook Sweeney's hand. "Thank you, thank you, my friend! Thank you, ma'am!" He lifted his knapsack off the floor, headed out the door, and started down the stairs.

(I'LL STEAL YOU)

* * *

"Oh, what'll I do? What'll I do?" Johanna paced back and forth as Anthony sat on her bed. "That bastard wants to marry me! He wants to marry me on Monday!"

"Shit…" Anthony sat with his arm propped up on his leg and his chin resting on his fist.

"I'll swallow poison on Sunday! That's what I'll do! I can go get some lye-"

"I have an idea!"

"I can cut some of my soap into little pieces and use that..." Johanna's face fell at the thought. "No, no, no, that's a stupid idea, it'll never work!"

"Johanna!" Anthony stood and grasped her shoulders. "I have a plan!"

"Well, pray tell, what is it?" Now it was Anthony's turn to pace.

"I have a plan, but it would require some cooperation on your part, all right?"

"I'm listening."

"Okay…" Anthony explained his idea to Johanna, who listened dutifully and nodded occasionally.

"Hmm…" She considered his idea and looked back at him after a bit. "I like it. You seem like a nice fellow."

(yes good take the offer)

"I'd rather marry you than the judge."

"Heh…"

"I know YOU won't keep me locked up, day and night."

"A girl your age shouldn't be locked up like this." Anthony agreed.

"I know!" Johanna sat down on her bed. "This plan had better work. I don't want to stay here one more minute."

"I know." Anthony sat down next to her and lightly put his hand on her shoulder. "If I was a girl and if I was in your position, I wouldn't want to stay, either."

"But you're not a girl and you're allowed to roam as you please."

"I know, but I'm saying that if I wasn't what I am right now, I'd want to leave, too."

"Anthony, what's your point?"

"My point is that we should leave tonight."

(way to go, stupid jackass)

"_Tonight?_"

"Tonight."

"Hmm…" Johanna looked around briefly and touched her fingers to her bottom lip. "Let's see… It's Friday now… Practically Sunday…"

(decide woman decide!)

"Okay. That sounds perfect." She hopped to the floor and pulled a trunk out from under her bed. "Pick me up here tonight at 10, yeah?"

"Ten. Got it." He nodded as she stood and pointed at him.

"Don't be late."

"I won't be." Johanna knelt down and stowed the trunk where nobody would see it.

"Good." She stood and so did Anthony. "Thank you for this."

"My pleasure." Johanna wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him close.

"I know I've said this, but I'd rather be with you than the judge."

"You've said this, yes."

"Even though I don't even know who the hell you are, I'm glad it's you that's offering me my freedom, even from the first time I saw you. I had feared that this day would never come, and for that week or so that I didn't see you, I was afraid that you had fallen ill, been killed, were in prison, gone back out to sea, or been trampled by a horse, or… Well, you get the idea. I was worried."

"I know." Anthony wrapped his arms around her shoulders and leaned his head on hers.

(soft as it looks)

Her hair brushed against his cheek and gooseflesh suddenly rippled across his arms.

(WOW HOLY SHIT AND A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH)

"Shit!" Johanna suddenly pulled away and looked toward her door.

"What?"

"I heard something." She looked between the door and Anthony. "Surely you heard that."

"I heard nothing." His eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Quick! Get behind the curtain!" She pulled him by the arm and hid him behind her curtain.

After a few seconds, Anthony stepped out from behind the curtain.

"Sorry." Johanna was blushing. "Guess I'm hearing things."

"It's understandable. You're nervous."

"Yes… Yes, I am." Johanna pulled Anthony into another embrace and lowered her voice. "I'd like to try something."

"Sure…"

"Kiss me."

Anthony was speechless. Had she really made this request?

"Wha-… What?"

"Kiss me." Johanna put her hand on the back of his neck and tilted her head upward. His full lips met her thinner ones and fireworks went off in his head.

(HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT)

Anthony mentally noted that her lips were as soft as they looked. Likewise, Johanna was mentally noting the same thing about him.

"You need to go." Johanna said softly after a minute or two.

"You're right…" They broke their embrace and Anthony lifted his knapsack off the floor. "You'll be waiting for me, yes?"

"Yes." Johanna smiled at him. "I will." She gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek and put her hand on his shoulder. "Be safe."

"I will."

"Don't let him see you."

* * *

"Whew!" Anthony sat down on a bench and put his head in his hands.

(adrenaline rush)

His heart was pounding after his escape from the Turpin mansion.

(rescue tonight prepare now alert Mr Todd)

His head popped up suddenly and his eyes widened.

"Mr Todd!" He stood and started running toward Fleet Street. "I gotta let him know!"

* * *

"Mr Todd!" Anthony pushed the door open. "I've seen Johanna, and she said she'd leave with me… tonight…" He quickly lost steam at the sight of the judge sitting in a chair in the middle of the room with shaving cream lathered on his jaw.

(oh shit worst timing ever)

"You." The judge stood and advanced toward the sailor. "There is indeed a higher power to warn me thus in time. Johanna, elope, with you?" He tore the cloth away from his neck and cleared the shaving cream from his jaw. "I'll make sure that neither you nor any other man shall ever set eyes on her again!"

(son of a bitch)

"As for you, barber, it's all to clear what company you keep! Service them well and hold their custom, for you'll have none of mine!"

Slam.

(fuck it)

"Mr Todd, you have to help me!"

"Out."

"Mr Todd, please!"

"OUT."

"Mr Todd!"

"OUT!" Sweeney advanced toward him with his open razor.

(SHIT FUCK!)

Anthony quickly turned and ran out of the shop and down the stairs.

"Sorry, sorry!" Anthony quickly apologized after bumping into Mrs Lovett.

"You all right, love?" She called after him, but he didn't respond. He was too busy running.

* * *

(damn it damn it damn it)

Anthony was beyond nervous. He had fucked up this time, he knew it.

(please forgive me Johanna)

"NO! Stop, please!" Johanna's voice rang out in the darkness. "OW!" Anthony stepped out from his hiding place in the shadows and ran toward the carriage parked in front of the mansion.

"JOHANNA!" He called as the carriage sped off.

(BASTARDS)

The judge was standing on the front steps, looking quite pleased but very pissed off at the same time.

"Where are you taking her?" Anthony yelled angrily. "Tell me, or I swear I'll-"

"You'll kill me, boy? Here I stand!" The old man spread his arms as if he was challenging the young sailor.

(fuck this shit)

Anthony glared daggers at him and began to run after the carriage.

"JOHANNA!"

* * *

**Finally, chapter 3... About time I got around to typing this up.**

**You have no idea how temped I was to make Sweeney say, "Is it 'cause I'm black?" when the judge was yelling at him.**

**Yeah. Sorry about Johanna's Bella Swan moment.**


	4. Month 2, part 1: Nightmare of a night

**Summary: Chapter four… I really shouldn't have to say this at the beginning of every chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Sweeney Todd.**

* * *

_May_

(Johanna…)

(I fucked up)

(forgive me please)

Anthony shuffled down the street, head down, hands in pockets. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this bad. His back hurt and he was exhausted… dizzy… nauseated… and afraid. It had been almost two weeks since Johanna had been taken away. What had happened to her? Was she safe? Was she all right?

(_I feel you Johanna_)

"Oh…" Anthony sat down on a nearby bench and put his head in his hands. He was shaking. "I'm sorry, Johanna…" Tears flooded his eyes and spilled down his cheeks as he let out a sob.

(that's right cry stupid fuck never gets anything done)

"Shut up…" Anthony tearfully scolded the spiteful voice inside his head. "Just shut up…"

(go after her you asshole)

He sniffled and dried his eyes. There was no point in crying. He had to rescue Johanna and tears would be of no help to him.

(go now)

He stood, gathered his things, and began the trek toward Fleet Street. Surely Mr Todd would know what to do!

* * *

"Mr Todd! Mrs Lovett, ma'am!" Anthony ran into the barbershop, panting.

"What is it, Anthony?" Mr Todd did not look happy. Of course, he never looked happy, but today he looked absolutely miserable.

"He has her locked in a madhouse!"

"Johanna?"

"Fogg's Asylum." Sweeney advanced toward Anthony. "I've circled the place a dozen times. There's no way in! It's a fortress!"

"I've got him…"

(who what the hell)

"Mr Todd?"

"We've got her." Sweeney put a hand on Anthony's shoulder. "Where do you suppose all the wigmakers in London go to obtain their hair?"

"Hm?"

"Bedlam." A peculiar light came into the barber's eyes and it scared Anthony. "They get it from the lunatics at Bedlam."

"I-I don't understand."

"We shall set you up as a wigmaker's apprentice. That'll gain you access, and then you take her. Go, quickly! Go!"

"Right!" Anthony turned and ran out of the shop and down the stairs.

(shit)

He stopped suddenly.

(how to pull this off dammit forgot to ask)

"Damn it." The sailor looked up at the doorway he'd just run out of. He had no idea how the hell he was going to pull this off.

(figure it out)

* * *

"Okay…" Anthony sighed and tucked his hair behind his ears. "Don't fuck this up, Hope…"

(knock and the door will open)

He lifted one hand and knocked on the door. A balding man answered after a few seconds. He was wearing a yellow coat (Or, at least, it looked yellow in this particular light) and he wasn't much taller than Anthony.

"Good evening, sir." The sailor greeted politely.

"What do you want?" The man looked at him suspiciously.

"I'm, uh… I'm looking for a particular kind of hair. I'm a wigmaker's apprentice." Anthony's eyebrows rose hopefully.

"Oh. All right, then." The man motioned for him to step inside. "Fogg's the name. May I inquire who you are?"

"Eastwood." Anthony replied, hoping he would believe it. "Clint Eastwood."

"Right." Fogg led Anthony through a doorway. "Tell me, Mr Eastwood, what color of hair are you looking for?"

"Blonde. Yellow." Anthony replied. "I think we can come to some arrangement that would benefit everyone."

(get it right you idiot)

"Oh, yes, sir, I agree." The two walked down a hallway lit by torches. "It would be to our mutual interest to come to some arrangement in regard to my poor childrens' hair."

(WTF)

"Brunettes… Redheads…" Fogg fumbled with a ring of keys once they stopped at a third door. "I keep the blondes in here. It was yellow hair you was lookin' for, sir?"

"Yes." Anthony watched him unlock the door and they stepped inside the cell.

"NO!" The women in the cell all cowered in corners, on the beds, or against each other, hoping Fogg wouldn't go near them with the dreaded scissors of doom.

All but one.

She was just sitting there, wearing a straitjacket. Her face was cast downward and her long hair looked to be in sad shape.

(Johanna)

"That one there has the shade I need."

"Right." Fogg turned toward Johanna. "Come, child!" He knelt down next to her. "Smile for the gentleman, and you shall have a sweetie." Johanna looked up at Anthony, but didn't show any sign that she recognized him.

(it's me Johanna look recognize please)

"Now, where shall I cut?"

(DON'T YOU DARE)

"Not another word, Mr Fogg," Anthony hissed as he pulled a pistol from his pocket. "or it will be your last." He pulled Johanna to her feet. "Now… I leave you to the mercy of your… children…" The sailor and the blonde turned and ran out the door, leaving the man at the mercy of several bloodthirsty women.

* * *

"Thank you, Anthony!" Johanna sighed in relief once they were safely at the inn that Anthony had been staying at for the past month or so. "That… was bloody brilliant!"

"Thanks…" Anthony collapsed into a chair. He was panting heavily, his heart was racing, and he was sweating profusely. He had done it. He had finally rescued the girl of his dreams. "That was fucking terrifying…"

"All the more amazing." Johanna sat down on the bed and wiggled around in her straitjacket. "Um… Help?"

"Right, sorry." Anthony rose from his chair and sat next to her. "Okay…" He fiddled with the lock and chains until he could pull them over her head. "There we go. Can you get out?"

"I think so." Johanna wiggled around until her arms were out of the sleeves. "Almost…" She wiggled until her hands found the hem and she lifted it over her head. "I got it!" Johanna shook herself out and threw the hated garment across the room. "That's better."

"Wow." Anthony knelt down on the floor and rifled through his knapsack until he found his extra set of clothes. "Here." He handed them to Johanna. "Put these on."

"Your clothes?"

"Disguise." Anthony patted her shoulder. "Trust me."

"Okay…"

* * *

"So where are we going?" Johanna asked as they walked down the street. Both of them had changed their clothes and were ready to leave London.

"A friend of mine has a shop on Fleet Street." Anthony responded. "He's letting us stay for an hour or two."

"Okay… Who is this friend?"

"It's Mr Todd. He's a barber."

"I think I've heard Red talk about him once or twice… Not sure."

"Who's Red?"

"The judge. That's his first name."

"Oh."

After some more walking, they arrived at the barbershop. It didn't look like there was anybody there.

"Mr Todd!" Anthony pushed the door open and ran inside with Johanna trailing behind him.

(empty)

"You wait for him here." He said. "I'll return with a coach in less than half an hour." He turned to leave, but stopped at the expression on Johanna's pretty face. "Don't worry. No one will recognize you. You're safe now." He gave her a reassuring smile and patted her shoulder.

"Safe?" She questioned. "So we can run away and all our dreams come true?"

"I hope so."

"I've never had dreams. Only nightmares."

"Johanna…" Anthony touched her cheek gently. "When we're free of this place, all the ghosts will go away."

"No, Anthony. They never go away."

"I'll be right back to you. Half an hour, and we'll be free!" Anthony ran outside and closed the door behind him.

_15 minutes later…_

"Please, sir, I beg of you!" Anthony pleaded.

"No." The man said firmly. "No money, no coach."

"I can pay you with something other than that!"

"Sorry, boy." The man obviously wasn't sorry. "I only take money."

Anthony sighed.

"I don't have enough, damn you! I only have so much!"

"No money, no coach. Please leave."

* * *

"Johanna?" Anthony ran back into the barbershop, panting. "Johanna?"

Johanna was nowhere to be seen and the shop was completely empty.

"Johanna? Where are you?"

Silence, then a scream from below.

"Johanna?" Anthony ran out the door and followed the sound to what he figured was a cellar. He opened the entrance and ran through it.

(Hell)

A large oven stood in the middle of the room and a fire raged inside it.

(quite a stink ain't there?)

(get out now)

Anthony thought he could see blood on the floor.

(no in Hell blood everywhere leave now)

He let out a sharp gasp when he caught sight of someone kneeling in the middle of the floor. They were covered in blood and cradling a woman that was also covered in blood.

"Oh my…" Anthony gingerly stepped toward them and knelt down beside them.

(get out now something bad BAD)

His heart jumped into his throat at the sight of a familiar white streak.

(Mr Todd)

"Mr Todd?" Anthony tilted Sweeney's head upward and gasped sharply at the deep cut on his neck.

(NO NO NO)

Sweeney's eyes suddenly opened and stared at the sailor, who covered his mouth to stifle a scream.

"Anthony…" He rasped. His lips didn't move. "Join us…" Before Anthony could react, Sweeney reached up and slashed his neck with his razor.

"NO!"

Anthony suddenly bolted upright. He was panting and shaking uncontrollably and a cold sweat covered his skin as he reached up and felt the skin on his neck.

It was unharmed.

"Oh…" His heart hammered as he took in his surroundings.

(where where am I Johanna?)

He was in a bed he didn't recognize and there was an odd lump in the covers next to him.

(not alone in this unfamiliar room déjà vu)

He poked the lump and it suddenly moved.

"Mmm…" It groaned.

"Oh…" Anthony shrank back from it until a mop of messy blonde hair emerged from under the covers.

"Mmm… Anthony?" It said.

"Oh… Johanna." He put a hand over his heart and sighed.

"What're you doing up?" Johanna sat up and touched his hand. "Bad dream?"

"Uh-huh…" Anthony sniffled and turned toward her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Sure…" He sniffled again and took a shaky breath. "I was in a big room with an oven in the middle of it and there was blood all over the floor. Mr Todd was there and he had a big cut on his neck and then he… He…"

"What, what did he do?"

"He slit my throat…" A sob escaped his throat and tears flooded his eyes.

"Hey. C'mere." Johanna pulled him close and held him tightly. "It was only a dream. Shh…"

"Oh…" Anthony leaned on her and sobbed.

(more nightmares)

"Shh…" She stroked his hair as he cried. "It's okay…"

"No…"

"Yes, Anthony, everything's fine. It's okay." Johanna rubbed Anthony's back and kissed his hair. "Shh… it was only a dream. It can't hurt you."

(nothing's gonna harm you not while I'm around)

* * *

**Did you catch the Back To The Future reference? Kudos to anyone who did! If you didn't, then you fail.**

**Keep your pants on, I'm working on chapter 5.**


	5. Month 2, part 2: Pregnant?

**Summary: Finally, the story is starting to get good.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Sweeney Todd.**

* * *

"Ugh…" Anthony sat back against the bed and squeezed his eyes shut after yet another morning bout of vomiting. He couldn't believe it had already been over a month and a half since this whole thing had started.

"Anthony?" The sailor opened his eyes at the sound of Johanna's voice.

"Hm?"

"How long has this been going on?"

"How long has what been going on?"

"You waking up and immediately getting sick. How long has that been happening?"

"I don't know… A month? A month and a half?"

"Six weeks?" Johanna's eyebrows shot up. "And you haven't even done anything about it?"

"Yeah, I know, I know…" Anthony rubbed his temples and sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"I think that's your cue to see a doctor."

"A doctor?" Anthony groaned. "Are you serious?"

"I'm very serious." Johanna stroked his hair as he laid his head down on her shoulder. "If something is wrong, only a doctor can say for sure what it is."

"Ugh…"

"I'll even go with you, if you want."

"Would you?"

"Yes."

"When do you suggest I go?"

"Today."

"Why today?"

"Anthony, you've been putting this off for weeks. It's time you see someone. Don't you want to get this fixed?"

"Fine…" Anthony sighed and got up. "I'll go." He gathered his clothes off the floor and began to put them on over his nightshirt.

"All right." Johanna gathered her clothes from where they were folded on a nearby chair and Anthony turned away so she could change out of her nightclothes. It wasn't polite to watch a lady change.

* * *

"Okay. This is it."

"A pie shop, Anthony?"

"Yes. Look, Mr Todd's shop is just up the stairs."

"What does Mr Todd have to do with seeing a doctor?"

"He knows one. I remember him saying something about some woman's brother being a doctor."

"Oh, that's helpful." Johanna's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"That's why we're here, so he can refresh my memory." They climbed the stairs.

"Hello?" Anthony knocked on the door. "You in there?" The door opened and a man with wild black hair interrupted by a white streak poked his head out. A scowl plagued his pale face and his eyes narrowed at the sight of the sailor.

"What?" Ooh, he was surly today.

"Hi, Mr Todd!" Anthony purposely used his cheeriest voice to annoy him.

"What do you want?"

"I have a question for you."

"Who's the girl?"

"Huh?" Anthony turned to Johanna. "Oh! Right. Damn, your attention span is short. Uh, this is Johanna."

"Johanna?" Sweeney's eyebrows rose and he stared blankly at the two until he realized who Anthony was talking about. "JOHANNA!" He pulled the two of them into the shop. Anthony was afraid his eyes were going to fall out of their sockets, the way he was staring at Johanna.

"Uh…" Johanna looked confused.

"WHOA!" Anthony was nearly knocked onto his butt as Sweeney suddenly hugged him tightly. "You're certainly cheery today, Mr Todd…"

"Thank you…" Sweeney pulled away from the sailor and turned to Johanna. "Johanna…" He advanced toward her and hugged her tightly. Anthony could almost swear he heard sobbing coming from the normally emotionless barber.

"Uh… Anthony?" Johanna was officially freaked out. "Why is he hugging me?"

"I'm sorry…" Sweeney pulled away from her and swiped at his eyes. "It's just… I haven't seen you for 15 years. You were just a baby when I last saw you and your mother and I've missed you both dearly and-"

"Whoa, slow down. Wait." Anthony put a hand on the barber's shoulder. "Now, what?"

"What are you talking about?" Johanna was inching toward Anthony as Sweeney picked up the picture frame that sat on the vanity. He looked up at her after a few seconds and walked toward her.

"Do you remember your mother?" He asked.

"I was told that she died when I was very young."

"What of your father?"

"I was told that he was a criminal and probably dead as well. O'course, the judge tends to lie…"

"Look." Sweeney showered her the pictures and pointed to a beautiful blonde woman. "This was your mother."

"Really?"

"Yes. You look just like her…" He sniffled. "I'm sorry… I promised myself that I wouldn't cry…"

"Wait…" Johanna's eyebrows knitted together. "You're… Are YOU my father?"

"Yes…" Sweeney looked at her with tear-filled eyes. "I am…"

"You're Benjamin Barker?"

"Yes, Johanna, it's me!" He hugged her tightly as tears began to fall down his cheeks. "Benjamin Barker…" By then, he was sobbing quietly but laughing with joy at the same time.

As Anthony watched the two, something dawned on him. Mr Todd appeared to be telling the truth. He and Johanna shared the same mouth shape, a similar jaw, the same cheekbones, the same high forehead, even the same eye shape.

"Wow…" He breathed. "I can really see the resemblance." Sweeney and Johanna said nothing.

"I've missed you…" Sweeney whispered tearfully to his daughter after a few seconds of silence. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to see you grow…"

"It's all right." Johanna's voice was muffled in her father's shoulder. "I've always wanted to meet my real parents. I'd always figured that the judge was lying to me about something."

"You figured right." He kissed her on the cheek and stroked her hair. "But you're safe now, and that's what's important."

"Well, you can thank Anthony for that. I mean, he failed once, but at least he got me out of that blasted asylum."

"Johanna…" Anthony put one hand on her back. "I had help from Mr Todd. The wigmaker disguise was his idea."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh."

"Huh. Interesting." Johanna pulled away from Sweeney and stood next to Anthony.

A few awkward minutes of silence later, Sweeney spoke.

"Thank you, Anthony…" He shook the sailor's hand and dried his eyes with the back of one hand. "Thank you for bringing my daughter and I together." More tears welled in his eyes as he pulled him into a hug.

"Uh…" Anthony was almost afraid Sweeney would start crying again. "You're welcome?"

"Okay, well…" Johanna began. "This is getting a little awkward."

"Damn right… Okay, seriously, Mr Todd, let go. You're hurting me."

"Sorry." They quit hugging and Johanna nudged Anthony in the ribs with her elbow.

"Ask him who the doctor is." She whispered.

"Right, right." Anthony cleared his throat. "Mr Todd?"

"Hmm?"

"That doctor who took care of me back in March, who was that?"

"That was Mark. He's Mrs Lovett's brother."

"Do you know where we can find him?"

"Mrs Lovett is the one you should ask. She's downstairs."

"Thanks."

* * *

"Mrs Lovett?"

"Anthony?" A small boy in an apron was giving Anthony a weird look. "What're you doing?"

"I'm looking for Mrs Lovett. Have you seen her, Toby?"

"Yeah, she's inside." Toby pointed at the interior of the pie shop. "She's working now and it's the middle of the lunch rush, so she might not appreciate being disturbed."

"We're not here to bother her." Johanna told him. "We just need to find someone. We'll be out in a moment."

"Okay…" The two stepped into the pie shop and Toby went back to serving.

"Mrs Lovett?" Anthony scanned the pie shop in search of the baker. "Where is she?"

"Should I ask around?" Johanna asked.

"No, no, I've got this." He spotted Mrs Lovett a few tables away. "Look, there she is." She was pouring ale into the glasses of some already semi-inebriated customers. "Mrs Lovett!"

"Hm?" She looked up and smiled warmly at the two. "Oh! Hello!"

"Hi." The sailor and the blonde approached the redhead.

"So, what have you come in for?" Her eyebrows rose hopefully. "Would you two care for a meat pie?"

"No thank you." Anthony replied. "We can only stay for a minute or two."

"Oh. All right, then." Mrs Lovett began to walk away. "Walk with me."

"Okay…" The two teens followed her.

"So what's going on?"

"We're looking for a doctor."

"Uh-huh." Mrs Lovett filled another patron's glass with ale. "Keep talkin'."

"Mr Todd says you have a brother that just happens to be one."

"Well, right he is. My twin brother. Name's Mark. He's here most every day." She pointed at a red-haired man sitting at a table across the shop. "There he is right now."

"Thank you!" The sailor and the blonde headed in that direction. "Mark?" He looked up from his mug of ale.

"Well, hello, lad!" Mark smiled warmly at Anthony. "How're you feeling on this fine day?"

"Uh…" Johanna looked between them.

"Come, sit." Mark gestured to the chairs around the table and the two sat down. "So, what's happening?"

"Tell 'im." Johanna gave Anthony a gentle nudge in the ribs with her elbow.

"Okay…" Anthony cleared his throat. "I uh… I haven't been feeling well lately… Which, of course, is why I'm here. My stomach has been a bit off as of late."

"Okay." Mark took his ledger out and began taking notes. "Anything else?"

"I've been constantly dizzy, hungry, and pissed-off. Things that normally have no effect on me have been upsetting me a lot. I've been getting sick every morning about a minute after I wake up. And, on top of that, I've been having trouble sleeping. I've been struggling to stay awake and my nose has also been bleeding incessantly."

"Anything else?"

"I've been feeling a bit feverish, as well." Anthony noticed that Mark's writing hand had paused. "What?"

"Oh dear…"

"What?" The sailor was starting to worry.

"Come with me." The doctor stood and gathered his things. "We'll talk outside."

"Okay…" Anthony and Johanna stood and followed him outside.

"So what's wrong?" Johanna asked once they were outside.

"Well, it's the symptoms Anthony described." He opened his ledger and read the list of symptoms aloud. "Nausea and vomiting in the morning, dizziness, sleep troubles, moodiness, nosebleeds, and a fever."

"Is there something unusual about that?" Anthony asked.

"No, it's just that it's usually WOMEN who come to me with those symptoms."

"What?"

"Those are symptoms of pregnancy."

"…" Anthony's eyes had widened and he was staring at Mark in disbelief. "W-what?"

"Anthony, you're pregnant." The sailor just stood there in shock.

"Ohh…" His eyes rolled back into his head and he fell backwards into Johanna's arms.

* * *

"Hey. Come on. Wake up, Anthony."

"Ugh…" Anthony groaned and opened his eyes. He was lying on the floor and Johanna and Mark sat on either side of him. "What happened?"

"You fainted." Johanna responded flatly. "Mrs Lovett let us bring you back here into her parlor."

"Why'd I faint?"

"Well… Mark gave you a reason for why you've been feeling so bad. I suppose the diagnosis shocked you."

"Why, what'd he say?" Johanna and Mark exchanged a glance.

"Well, he said… uh…" She smacked the doctor's arm gently. "Here, you tell him!"

"Fine…" Mark sighed. "Okay. Anthony?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me that you won't faint again."

"I'll do my best…"

"Okay." Mark cleared his throat as Johanna helped Anthony sit up. "You're, uh… You're pregnant."

"PREGNANT?"

"Johanna gave the okay to give you a quick examination."

"She did WHAT?"

"It's okay." Johanna patted his shoulder. "Relax."

"Well, did you see anything that wasn't supposed to be there?"

"No. For the most part, your ribs look like they've healed. The massive bruise on your leg looks like it's mostly gone. You look to be in good health."

"…Except for being pregnant."

"Uh… Yeah. And I'm sorry, Anthony, but there's nothing I can do. All I can say is to get plenty of rest, don't do any heavy lifting, maybe increase your food intake a fraction."

"Okay…" Anthony sighed, leaned forward, and placed his head in his hands. "Ugh…"

"I'm sorry, son." Mark gave the sailor's shoulder a gentle pat. "I know this is difficult to believe…"

"Difficult to believe? I'm pregnant! I'm MALE! Males can't get pregnant!"

"Yes, I know. I know this. But you're going to have to wait this out."

"Joy…" Anthony rubbed his temples and sighed.

"We're going to be fine." Johanna put her arms around him and pulled him close. "We'll get through this. I know we will."

"I hope so… Looks like we're stuck in bloody old London…"

* * *

**About time, eh? About time we got to the cause of Anthony's problem, eh?**

**Yes, I'm aware that I haven't followed through with my promise of Sweeney tripping over something or falling down a set of stairs in every chapter. I apologize.**


	6. Month 2, part 3: Shock

**Summary: This is just going to be a crappy filler chapter. I'd like to apologize for that in advance.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sweeney Todd.**

* * *

As Anthony walked through London with Johanna, he couldn't help but feel upset. He couldn't believe it. He was pregnant and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

"Hey." Johanna's voice pulled him from his thoughts. "What're you thinking?"

"Huh? Oh…" His stomach grumbled quietly and his feet hurt. "I'm thinkin' I need to sit down…"

"Okay." Her eyes scanned the area until she saw a bench. "Here's a bench." She took his hand, led him to it, and sat down with him. "It's the diagnosis, isn't it?"

"Huh?"

"I can tell you're upset, Anthony. A woman's intuition is never wrong." She put her arm around him as he leaned forward and put his head in his hands. "Would you like to talk to me about it?"

"It's just…" Anthony lifted his head and looked at her. "I'm not ready to be a

(mother)

father yet, Johanna. Hell, I'm not even 17 yet! I just turned 16 a couple months ago!" His lips quivered and he closed his eyes and sniffled. "I'm too young…"

"Hey. Hey, don't do that. Don't cry." Johanna pulled him closer to her and stroked his hair. "I'm here. I'm not going to leave."

"Oh, Johanna…" Anthony was crying at that point.

"Shh…" She kissed his hair and held him tightly. "I know this is frightening for you. It's frightening for me too. But we're going to get through it, yeah?"

"Mm…"

"We're going to get through this. I'm going to help you through this."

"Don't go…"

"I'm not going to leave you, Anthony. I'm staying here. I'm gonna help you bring this baby into the world." Johanna cupped his face in her hands and turned him to face her. "We're gonna be all right."

"I hope you're right…" Anthony sniffled and lowered his eyes. "I don't wanna die because of a pregnancy."

"I know. I don't want to lose you, either."

"I…" He sniffled. "I'm scared, Johanna. You heard what Mark said."

"I know what he said."

"Am I even going to survive this?"

"Anthony, women have been having babies since time began. I know this is different, being that you're not a woman…"

"Johanna, I don't even know how the damn thing is gonna come out!"

"Okay, you've got me there." Johanna admitted. "But we'll figure that out when the time comes."

"Yeah, guess so." Anthony sniffled and sighed.

"Okay?" Johanna gave his shoulder a pat. "That's my boy." The sailor had to stifle a chuckle at that.

"Okay, uh, Johanna? I'm not your son. If I was, this would be a little awkward."

"Oh, shut up." She laughed and smacked his arm gently. "Are we ready to walk again?"

"Uh-huh." The two stood and started down the sidewalk again. "We ought to get some food."

* * *

**Like I said, sorry for the short-ass chapter. Hopefully this will take the edge off until my next update.**


	7. Month 3: Kicked out

**Summary: …**

**Disclaimer: You should know this by now.**

* * *

_June_

The next three or so weeks seemed to fly by. Between the morning sickness, the exhaustion, and the cravings, Anthony had begun to notice a pattern. He would wake up each morning, puke his brains out, and then feel relatively fine for the rest of the day, save for the dizziness, fatigue, cravings, and nosebleeds. The nosebleeds were what he hated the most.

"Ugh…" Anthony was sitting at a table in Mrs Lovett's shop with a handkerchief shoved up his nose.

"Got a bloody nose?" He looked up. The baker was standing next to him and holding a rag.

"Yeah…" Anthony groaned and pinched is nose. "Oh, good Lord, and a grilled cheese sandwich…"

"Here, lean back. Tilt your head back." Mrs Lovett put a hand on the back of his head and supported it as he leaned back. "There ya go, love. Keep your head back until you think the bleeding has stopped."

"Thanks."

"Sure." She stepped aside and Johanna walked up to the table.

"Hey." She kissed Anthony on the cheek and sat with him. "How's your nose?"

"Still bleeding." His head was still back.

"Lemme see." Johanna pried the hankie out of his nose. "Ooh…" There was still a little blood.

"I think it might be done gushing by now."

"Yeah, looks like it." Anthony tilted his head forward and started to wipe the blood away. "Ah…"

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah…" He put one hand to his lower abdomen. "Just cramps…"

"Cramps…" Mrs Lovett furrowed her brows in thought. "Like what women get each month?"

"I dunno… Yes?"

"Ah. Wait, I might have something for it. I'll be right back."

After a moment, Mrs Lovett returned with a bottle of gin and an apologetic expression.

"Sorry. This is all I've got."

"Uh…" Anthony eyed the bottle and suddenly started to feel queasy. "No thanks. I'll just deal with the cramps."

"Okay." The baker shrugged. "Suit yourself." She went to go put the gin back.

* * *

"Ugh…" Anthony sank to the bed. It had been a long day and he was exhausted.

"Tired?" Johanna was standing behind him.

"Uh-huh…" He put his head in his hands. "More like about to pass out…"

"Aw." Johanna climbed onto the bed and hugged him. He laid his head down on her shoulder and closed his eyes. "Well, we'll just have to fix that, won't we?" Anthony smiled a little.

"Yeah…" He opened his eyes, kissed Johanna on the cheek, and laid down. "Good night, Johanna."

"Good night." She laid down next to him. "Sleep well."

* * *

"What do you mean, we have to leave?"

"I'm sorry, Mr Hope, but you've been here for weeks."

"I have good reason for that!" Anthony ran a hand through his hair. "I've been all over London. There is nowhere else to stay!" The woman behind the counter gave him a weird look.

"You don't know anyone who would take you in?"

"I just said that." Anthony pinched the bridge of his nose. He was getting frustrated.

(talking in circles control the rage won't get you anywhere)

He took a deep breath and focused on the ash tray on the counter.

"Look…" Anthony clenched and unclenched his fists. "The one person I know would never, not in a million years, let me stay with him, even for a few days."

"How can you know?"

"I've known him a long time, okay?" The ash tray was quivering now. "I know how he thinks."

"There's no harm in asking."

"Ha!" Anthony's fists clenched. "With his moods? Okay, y'know what? Why am I even talking about that?" He turned and started to walk back to his room.

"You've still got to leave."

"Ooh…!" The sailor turned around and

(flex)

the ash tray suddenly flipped into the air and crashed to the floor.

"Oh…" The woman covered her mouth with her hands while Anthony stood staring at the shattered remains of the ash tray.

"Oh my…"

"Get out."

"I-I'm sorry, I just-"

"Get out, right now." The woman looked at him fearfully. "Go. Pack your things and leave."

"I-"

"I will not have the devil residing in this house!"

"But I- I'm not-"

"GET OUT!" She advanced toward Anthony and he ran.

(holy shitballs)

He ran into the room he shared with Johanna, panting.

"Are you all right?" Johanna was sitting on the bed and tying her shoes.

"We have to go."

"What?" She furrowed her brows and stood as Anthony picked his clothes up off the ground and stuffed them into his knapsack.

"Start packing. We've got to go."

"Why, what happened?"

"We just… We have to go."

"Go where? You don't know anyone else in London but my father."

"We'll ask if we can stay. You're his daughter, how can he say 'no' to you?" Anthony continued around the room, looking for anything he might've forgotten. "Come on, get packing."

"Okay…" Johanna gathered her belongings and stuffed them into a bag. "Let's go."

* * *

"So, what happened back there?"

"Hm?" Anthony furrowed his brows. They were on their way toward Fleet Street.

"What happened back there that scared you so badly?"

"Oh… Well… I'm not really sure. I was arguing with the landlady, since she was kicking us out anyway, and I guess I got a little angry."

"You didn't hurt her, did you?"

"Lord, no! I might've scared her, but I didn't hurt her."

"Well, what happened, then?"

"I, uh… I flipped an ash tray onto the floor."

"That's all? That's what scared her?"

"Here's the strange part." Anthony stopped and stepped onto the sidewalk. Johanna followed. "Promise me that you won't have a fit when I tell you this."

"I promise. If I could handle the news of your pregnancy, I can handle this."

"Okay, well… I didn't even touch the dish. I just… I just felt my mind- Ooh, what's the word?- flex, like… Okay, you know how your arms flex when you lift something heavy?"

"Yeah."

"It was kind of like that."

"Hm…" Johanna appeared to contemplate what he said and they walked in silence.

(oh brother)

"Distant mental influence." She said after about a minute.

"What?"

"Distant mental influence. That's what it's called."

"How did you know?"

"I read it in a book that I stole out of Red's library."

"Oh."

"I've always had an interest in the paranormal and Red had many books on it."

"I see." Anthony bit his lip. "I've always had more of an interest in the stories and urban legends, myself."

"I like those too."

A few minutes later…

"Have you ever seen a ghost?" Anthony asked.

"I don't think so. Why, have you got a ghost story?"

"As a matter of fact, I might. It's from about a year ago." He cleared his throat. "So, I was out on the Bountiful with the rest of the crew, right? It was hot as hell and foggier than fuck, not to mention that there was no wind whatsoever except for what the ship was stirrin' up. So, anyway, it's real nasty out. Nobody could see a damn thing. Nothing to see, anyway. But then, all of a sudden, we hear Kelso yelling 'SHIP!', but we didn't pay any attention, since he's constantly making an ass of himself. But he doesn't shut up, so we eventually humor him and take a look."

"What was there?"

"There really was a ship coming toward us. It's got a weird aura about it and I suddenly start to get real fucking nervous for reasons unknown to me at the time. And I swear the thing was glowing. It could've been the fog or dehydration fucking with me, but I swear it was glowing blue. And there was no way they didn't see us, even though they almost smashed into us. It wasn't near foggy enough for that."

"So, what happened?"

"Well, I managed to get a look at the crew manning the ship when they passed. And here's the scary part. The lot of them looked like they were nothing but skin and bone. A good portion of them were covered in blood and what looked to me like battle wounds. Their eyes were all sunken in and by the looks of their faces, one might confuse them for a crew of dead men."

"Wow…"

"So, I'm standing there like an idiot when one of them looks up and just stands there, staring at me. No emotion in it, just a blank stare. It scared the piss out of me, but I still haven't figured out why. It might've been because then he lifted his arm and put a finger to his lips like he was shushing me, like he didn't want me saying anything about having seen them."

"Then what happened?"

"They passed us and they were gone." Anthony snapped his fingers. "Just like that. Disappeared in the fog before me eyes."

"Wow… So, is that the only instance of a ghost sighting?"

"Well, there's the ghost that lived under my sister's bed when I was 10, but that's a different story." Anthony stopped in front of a building. "Here we are."

"Who are we asking?"

"We'll start with Mr Todd and see if he's in his shop. If he's not, we can ask Mrs Lovett."

"Okay. Sounds like a plan." The two of them walked up to Sweeney's shop, which bore a sign on the door.

_Closed._

"Aw, damn." Anthony turned to Johanna. "Okay. Looks like we're asking Mrs Lovett." They headed downstairs.

_Closed._

"Why is everything closed?"

"Uh, Anthony? It's Sunday."

"Oh… Yeah, that would explain it." He paused. "Should we knock anyway?"

"I don't see why not."

"Neither do I." Anthony raised his hand and knocked on the door. After about a minute, Sweeney answered. He looked surprised to see them.

"Hi… Uh, what's going on?"

"We need to ask you something."

"Okay…" Sweeney opened the door wider. "Come on in." The two teens stepped in and sat down at a table. "So what's going on? What do you need?"

"Is it, uh…" Anthony looked at Johanna. "Here, you ask him."

"Okay." Johanna gulped and looked at Sweeney. "If it's not too much, may we stay here with you and Mrs Lovett? It's just until the baby is born." Sweeney's jaw dropped.

"WHAT?" He squeaked.

"No, no, it's not what you think!" Johanna glanced at Anthony and sighed. "If you must know, I'm still a virgin."

"Oh…" Sweeney looked relieved. "Wait… What's going on, here?"

"Uh..." Anthony and Johanna exchanged a glance.

"Just spit it out."

"...I'm pregnant." Anthony bit his lip and sighed.

"Ah. That would explain a few things…" The sailor didn't know what he meant by that, but he decided not to dwell on it. "Mrs Lovett owes me 5 pounds."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"…So is it all right?" Johanna asked after a very awkward silence.

"Uh-huh. It's fine with me." Sweeney eyed Anthony's belly and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm only three months along." The sailor sighed. "Just don't ask."

"Okay."

"Uh…" Johanna looked between them. "I'm just gonna leave you two alone." She got up and wandered off to find Mrs Lovett.

"How's she been handling this?" Sweeney asked once she was out of earshot.

"Surprisingly well." Anthony rubbed his temples. "It still surprises me that I was the one that fainted when we got the news. I mean, I've been a complete wreck, but Johanna's been great."

"That's good."

"Yeah, I guess it is."

* * *

**Finally, I got this done! That ghost story was a bitch to write.**

**Was the telekinesis too much? I think it might've been.**


	8. Month 4: Weight gain and questions

**Summary: Screw you guys, I'm just gonna go right into the story. FILLER!**

**Disclaimer: …**

* * *

_July_

(good morning)

Anthony opened his eyes and sat up. He felt different this morning. For once, he wasn't nauseated. He didn't feel like he'd been run over by a carriage, even though he'd tossed and turned all night.

"Ah…" He stretched and felt several vertebrae pop. "That felt good…" He swung his long legs over the side of the bed and stood.

(beautiful day beautiful girl sleeping)

He let his eyes roam across Johanna's still-sleeping form.

"Oh, Johanna…" Anthony hiked the hem of his nightshirt above his knees and crawled onto the bed and across until his face was by her ear.

"Mmm…"

(just let me sleep)

"Hey…" He brushed her hair behind her ear and kissed her. "Wake up."

"Ugh… Quit it…" Johanna turned her head away from Anthony.

(being difficult this morning)

"Okay, then…" Anthony crawled over her and laid down by her other side. "C'mon, wake up. It's a beautiful day." He leaned in and kissed her on the lips. "Johanna…"

"Ugh…" Johanna opened her eyes and squint-glared at him. "What?"

"Good morning."

"Geez… You're awfully cheery today…"

"Yep."

"Lemme guess… No more morning sickness?"

"Uh-huh. I feel great."

"I can imagine so." Johanna reached down and felt his belly.

"What're you doing?"

"Feeling the baby." She could feel a round bump. "It's starting to stick out. I can tell it's there."

"Oh." Anthony looked down and covered her hand with his own. Indeed, his belly was more swollen than he remembered. "Oh…" His eyes widened when he felt a faint nudge inside.

"What?" Johanna sat up.

"I think it just kicked…" Anthony sat up and moved her hand around on his belly. "Can you feel it?" He looked down when he felt another nudge.

"I don't feel anything." Johanna reclaimed her hand. "Sorry."

"It's okay." The sailor got off the bed and started to put his clothes on over his nightshirt. "I'll have to ask Mark what to expect in the next 5 months, or so."

"Good idea." Johanna also got up. "He probably has a book on the subject. I know Red had one, because I stole it from his library. Unfortunately, it's back at his house."

"That's okay." Anthony fiddled with the top button on his trousers. "Let's not go back there, shall we?" He laid down on the bed and continued to struggle with the button. "GAH! Why won't it fasten?"

"Here, let me help." Johanna sat down next to him.

"Okay…" He moved his hands away and let her at the button.

"Ready?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay." Johanna gripped the fabric tightly. "Suck your stomach in."

"Okay…" Anthony sucked his stomach in as far as he could. "Pull!" Johanna pulled the edges of the garment as close together as she could.

"Almost got it." She willed his trousers to stretch. "Almost…" She pulled some more until she could fasten the button. "Got it!"

"Thanks…" Anthony exhaled and buttoned his trousers the rest of the way. "I think my ass has gotten bigger."

"Maybe." Johanna helped him up and picked his shirt up off the floor for him. "Here's your shirt."

"Thanks." Anthony pulled his shirt over his head and tucked it in. "Hopefully, I won't have to bend down to grab anything…"

_Later that day…_

"Anthony!"

Anthony turned around at the sound of Mrs Lovett's voice.

"Hm?" He saw her coming towards him with a tray in her hands.

"Could you be a dear and serve the customers for a moment?" She panted. "I just need to go in and get a mop. I'll be back in a few seconds."

"I'll go get the mop for you." Anthony looked around. "Where would it be?"

"It's in the kitchen. Walk in that door and it's right next to it." She pointed.

"Okay." He went in and found the mop and bucket of water.

(bingo)

He was kneeling down to pick them up when he heard a loud ripping noise behind him.

(oh shit)

Anthony straightened quickly.

"Shit…" He twisted around to see what ripped. "Damn it!" His trousers had ripped straight down the middle of his backside. "This was my last pair, too!"

(son of a bitch)

"Great…" Anthony took his coat off and tied it around his waist. "Just peachy." With his coat around his waist, he grabbed the bucket and mop and ran outside.

"I told you where it was. What took you so long?" Mrs Lovett asked as he was mopping up a customer's mess.

"My trousers ripped." Anthony said flatly.

"Ah… I see." Mrs Lovett looked around. "After the customers leave, I can probably fix it. Okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

"Mark?"

Mark looked up from his book at the sound of Anthony's voice.

"Come on in, lad. Sit down." Anthony stepped in and Mark could see that he wore a nightshirt and no shoes. "Something bothering you?"

"Well…" The sailor looked down at his belly, sat down on the couch, and sighed. "What should I expect over the next few months? How much should I expect to grow?"

"Well, most women will experience cravings, mood swings, swelling in their feet, and weight gain."

"I'm not a woman, though."

"Well, you're still pregnant. Speaking of… How far along are you?"

"I think I'm somewhere around 4 months. I don't know… I didn't have the morning sickness when I woke up this morning, though. I feel better, but I'm not sure why." Mark smiled.

"You've made it through the first trimester of pregnancy." He said. "It's nothing to panic about."

"That's good." Anthony tucked his hair behind his ears and sniffled.

"Anything else bothering you?"

"Uh… well… It's embarrassing."

"It's all right. You can tell me."

"Okay… How is, uh…" Anthony blushed a dark red. "How is the baby going to come out?"

"Hmm… That's a tough question. Since you don't have, uh… an opening, we may have to do a Cesarean." Anthony paled visibly.

"C-cut me open?" His hand moved to his mouth.

(can't unhear that)

"We may be able to do it the conventional way. We'll just have to wait and see."

"Okay." The sailor heaved a relieved sigh. "The thought of being cut open scares me."

"Most young mothers feel the same way. But if we do end up having to do that, I want to assure you that I've performed many of these successfully in the past. Most of the time, the mothers survived."

"That's a relief." Anthony blushed again. "But what's the conventional way?"

"In your case, we'll have to wait and see what happens, as I said before."

"Okay…"

"Any other questions?"

"Yeah, one. How… How am I going to know when it's time?"

"Well, for starters, you might feel intense cramps. Those are the contractions that occur after the water breaks." Mark continued to explain it to Anthony.

"It's getting late, son." He said after about 35 minutes. "You'd best be getting some rest. I have to be getting home."

"You're right…" Anthony yawned and stood up. "I'm going to bed."

"Good night, lad."

"G'night."

* * *

**Wow… I have a really fucked-up imagination**.

**Yes, I know I don't usually update twice in as many days. Don't go getting used to it. I only update because I love you guys. Fuckers.**


	9. Month 5: Stories and sleepless nights

**Summary: Filler. That's what this pathetic excuse for a chapter is. It's just fucking filler.**

**Disclaimer: You should know this by now.**

* * *

_August_

"Month five… Swollen feet… mood swings… weird cravings… I'm already tired of being pregnant." Anthony sat down on the couch next to Sweeney and sighed.

"That bad, huh?"

"You don't even know the half of it." The sailor sighed again and rubbed his belly, which was now noticeably swollen. "I'm constantly tired, moody, and too fucking emotional for my liking. Kind of like you when you drink." Sweeney's eyes narrowed.

"Okay, that was just a little uncalled for."

"Sorry." Anthony suddenly grunted quietly and leaned forward slightly.

"Everything all right?"

"Yeah… The baby's just kicking."

"Oh…"

"…Yeah."

There was an awkward silence.

"May I?" Sweeney gestured toward Anthony's belly.

"Sure, go ahead. Knock yourself out."

"Thanks." The barber placed one hand gently on the sailor's belly.

"Wait for it…" Sweeney did as he was told until he felt a tiny push against his hand. "Did you feel that?"

"Uh-huh."

"Amazing…"

"Yeah…" Sweeney smiled. "I remember when Johanna was born."

"Oh?"

"Cutest baby on the planet."

"I bet she was." Anthony patted his belly and smiled. "She's beautiful, she's smart, she's funny… She's sweet, she listens to me… She's been amazingly understanding of my situation."

"She gets that from her mother." Sweeney sighed wistfully. "When I look at her, sometimes I think I can see Lucy looking out through her eyes."

"Lucy?"

"She was my wife." Anthony could see tears forming in the barber's eyes. "She was my wife until the judge took her away from me…" A tear rolled down his pale cheek. "She was so beautiful. She was kind… She would go out of her way to help people."

(homeless woman)

"She would?"

"Yes…" Sweeney dried his eyes.

"How did you meet her?"

"It's not a pretty story."

"Tell me anyway."

"You sure?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay." Sweeney pulled his legs onto the couch and sat Indian-style. "We met when we were kids. I was 12 and she was 13. I had just finished running some errands for my mum, which pretty much means buying tobacco, alcohol, and the occasional food item. I was coming home when these 3 guys jumped me. They knocked all my stuff to the ground and then they started kicking my ass. Thankfully, Lucy and her mum came and shooed them off before I was seriously hurt. So, then she helped me gather everything up and walked me home. We'd been close friends ever since. Then I proposed after a few years, we married, and then Johanna came along."

"…And now we're here."

"Yes." Sweeney rubbed his eyes and sniffled. "We're here and you're…" He gestured toward Anthony's growing belly. "…You've apparently been drinking the water."

"Drinking the water?" Anthony had to stifle a chuckle. "I don't think I've heard that one before." The barber smiled and chuckled.

"Yeah… That's a new one."

* * *

"Ugh…" Anthony shifted for the umpteenth time that night. He was having trouble sleeping again and just couldn't get comfortable.

"Hey." Johanna sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"Huh?"

"Are you all right?" She asked groggily.

"Uh-huh… Just can't get comfortable."

"Can I help?"

"You can sure as hell try…" Anthony turned to face Johanna. "I hope this works…" He rested his head on her shoulder and let her wrap her arms around him.

"Better?"

"Yup." Anthony closed his eyes and inhaled her scent.

(floral lavender)

"You smell nice." He commented quietly.

"Thank you." She stroked his soft hair and hummed softly. "Go to sleep."

"Okay…" He put his arm over her stomach and settled in for the night's rest.

They spent each night for the next 3 or so weeks like that. Anthony would rest his head in the hollow between her shoulder and her chest and eventually fall asleep to the sound of her heartbeat. Johanna would stroke his hair and hum softly until she herself would fall asleep. In any other situation, humming would've annoyed Anthony to the point of smacking the person humming, but he found Johanna's voice comforting. It was like a lullaby to him.

All was well and good until September came.

* * *

**TOO FUCKING SHORT. I hate when my chapters wind up like this.**


	10. Month 6, part 1: Peleamos

**Summary: Hopefully this one's better than the last. It's probably not, but a girl can dream.**

**Disclaimer: …**

**FYI, "Peleamos" means "We fight". I think... I dunno. My Spanish isn't great.**

* * *

_September_

"Sit up for a second, will ya?"

"I just got comfortable."

"Well, I'm not comfortable, so sit up."

"Johanna, I'm 6 months pregnant. I can't easily sit up."

"Ugh…"

It was the middle of the night and very hot in their room. Both of them were getting agitated.

"Ugh! Get off me."

"Ack… Fine." Anthony took his head off her shoulder and scooted over with some difficulty. "Ugh…" He rubbed his belly when he felt a kick.

"Ah…" Johanna inhaled deeply. "It feels good to have that giant baby off me." Anthony looked at her and narrowed his eyes.

"Did you just call me fat?" Johanna looked at him funny.

"No." She said as she sat up. "No, that's not at all what I said. All I meant was that I'm tired of trying to fall asleep under a baby that never stops moving and waking up stuck to you because of the bloody heat!"

"I can't control how much my baby moves." Anthony sat up and rubbed his back. "Believe me, it's just as difficult for me as it is for you. I'm the one who was raped back in March, okay? I'm the one who's with child, Johanna! I'm the one who's been dealing with the morning sickness and all the shit that comes with being pregnant!"

"You're not even a woman! You're not even supposed to be pregnant!" Johanna paused for a moment and smirked bitterly. "Or maybe you really are a woman. It would sure explain this whole situation, as well as your face." Anthony's jaw dropped and his cheeks flushed an angry red.

"Okay, now you're just using fightin' words." He got up off the bed. "Now you're just being a bitch." It was Johanna's turn to let her jaw drop.

"You want to see a bitch?" She got up off the bed, strode quickly towards him, and slapped him hard across the face. "How's that? You like that?" She gathered his things off the floor and thrust them at him. "Get out."

"What?"

"Get out! Get the fuck out!" Johanna opened the door and glared at him. "Take your stuff and leave."

"You're not seriously kicking me out, are you?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?" She gestured out the door. "Just get out."

"But-"

"OUT!" Anthony flinched at the sudden memory of being yelled at by Sweeney. Angry tears welled up in his eyes and he fled. Johanna slammed the door behind him and he heard her huff angrily.

"Oh…" He leaned against the door and sobbed quietly.

"You're not coming back in!" The door locked.

"Oohh… Why would you do that to me, you bitch!" He flinched away when something hit the door hard.

"GO AWAY!"

"I'm going, I'm going!" Anthony turned away from the door and waddled into the hallway. "Damn!" He put his back to the wall and slid to the floor. "Fuck…" He considered where he would sleep.

(don't know Mrs Lovett well enough)

It would be rude to ask Mrs Lovett if he could bunk with her.

"No way." Anthony sniffled and dried his eyes on the sleeve of his nightshirt.

(drunk child in the bushes)

Toby was probably passed out drunk in the bushes outside.

(fuck)

That left just one person.

"No way." Anthony got up and started to pace. "No bleedin' way. There's no way he would agree to it."

(bringing Johanna back made him happy)

"I know, but what if…?" He continued to converse with himself as he paced.

(just go)

"I don't want to."

(go never know unless you ask)

"Fuck you."

(you know I'm right)

"Fuck." Anthony hated it when he lost to himself in an argument. "Fine, I'll go."

(splendid idea)

"Shut up." He gathered his things off the floor and waddled up to Sweeney's shop.

* * *

_Knock knock knock._

"Mr Todd?"

_Knock knock knock._

"Mr Todd?"

_Knock knock knock._

"Mr Todd?"

Sweeney opened his eyes at the sound of several knocks and a voice at his door.

"Ugh…" He got out of bed and stumbled to the door. "Hold on, I'm-" He tripped over his own feet before he could finish his sentence. "Shit." He got up and continued to the door. "I'm coming…" He reached over and pulled the door open. "Oh. Anthony."

"Hi." Anthony was standing on the balcony and wearing only a nightshirt. He was holding his knapsack and a bundle of clothing. "May I sleep here tonight? Johanna kicked me out."

"Okay…" Sweeney moved aside and let Anthony in.

"Thanks." The sailor put his stuff down near the door.

"Make yourself at home." The barber said sleepily.

"Thanks." Anthony sat down in the chair at the center of the room.

"No, you sleep in the bed." Sweeney helped him up and led him to the mattress he'd slept on back in March. "Chair's bad for your back."

"Okay…" Anthony laid down and yawned. "Thanks for letting me sleep here."

"Yup…" Sweeney laid down next to him and closed his eyes. "Good night."

"G'night."

It took Sweeney no more than 5 minutes to fall asleep again. Anthony, on the other hand, tossed and turned with no hope of sleeping soon. The things that Johanna had said to him resonated in his mind and the rain that was loudly hitting the roof wasn't helping.

(thunderstorms used to help me sleep)

"Ugh…" Anthony sat up and put his head in his hands. Perhaps Mr Todd wouldn't care if he cried quietly.

"Ah…" He ran a hand over his belly and looked down when he felt a kick. "What?"

The baby kicked twice.

"What do you want?"

One more kick.

"You heard us fighting, didn't you?

Another kick.

"Sorry you had to hear that." Anthony stroked his belly and sighed. "I didn't mean the things I said to her." The baby shifted but didn't kick this time. "Really."

"Ugh… Anthony, what are you doing?" He turned his head at the sound of Sweeney's voice.

"Huh?"

"What're you doing?" Sweeney was propped up on his elbows and staring at him.

"Just talking to the baby."

"Do I want to know why?"

"Probably not."

"That's what I figured."

Awkward silence.

"So what happened?"

"What?"

"What happened to make Johanna kick you out?"

"You sure you want to know?"

"Sure, why not?" Anthony turned toward Sweeney and sighed.

"Well… Our room is in one of the hottest parts of the house. I am also apparently a human radiator."

"Ouch."

"Uh… Yeah. So, we were both lying there and trying to get comfortable. Then she got annoyed because the baby wouldn't quit moving on her, I guess. So then we both got pissed and started to swat insults back and forth."

"What did she say?"

"She said that I'm probably a woman and that it would explain why I'm pregnant and why my face looks the way it does." Sweeney cringed.

"That's harsh." He said.

"And I may or may not have called her a bitch."

"Ah…" Sweeney undid the top button of his pajama shirt and fanned himself. "I can see why you got upset."

"You can?"

"But don't ever call my daughter a bitch again, you hear?"

"I got it." Anthony sniffled and

(don't cry don't cry don't cry)

let his eyes water until a tear fell down his cheek.

"Hey." He felt a thumb wipe the tear away. "Are you crying?" He let out a sob.

"I am now!" Anthony finally permitted himself to cry.

"Oh, hey… C'mon. Don't do that." Sweeney pulled Anthony into his arms and held him tightly. "Don't cry. Shh…" He patted the sailor's hair and let him rest his head on his shoulder. "It's okay…"

"No, it's not…"

"Everything's going to be fine." Sweeney rubbed Anthony's back. "Things will get better. Trust me."

"Will they?"

"Yes, they will. Johanna's going to forgive you, eventually."

(eventually)

This only seemed to make Anthony more upset.

"Shut up, Mr Todd…" He sobbed. "Just shut up. You're not helping."

"Sorry."

They sat there like that for about 25 more minutes until Anthony finally calmed down.

"Think you'll be able to sleep?" Sweeney asked him.

"Maybe…" Anthony yawned, laid down, and faced away from the barber. "I really hope you're right about Johanna…"

"I know." Sweeney laid down too. "Just don't worry. She'll come around." He patted Anthony's shoulder and turned away from him. "G'night, Anthony."

"G'night."

* * *

**Yeah… Sorry about Anthony's little Mort Rainey moment of talking to himself. I was strapped for ideas, okay? Shut the fuck up.**


	11. Month 6, part 2: Flirting & Falling

**Summary: …**

**Disclaimer: …**

**Note: There will be a character (portrayed by Robert Pattinson) added in this chapter that is basically Edward Cullen, but with a different last name. If you don't like that sort of thing, tough shit. But don't worry, it's only for this chapter… Maybe. Hopefully the length of this chapter compensates for the previous ones.**

* * *

"Mista T?" Mrs Lovett knocked on the door. "Mista T. I've got breakfast." She couldn't see any movement inside or hear anything.

(locked)

She shifted the tray she was holding to her left hand and tried the doorknob. She was pleasantly surprised to find it unlocked.

"Hey, Mista T?" She stepped in and set the tray down on the trunk by the wall. "Brought you some breakfast, dear." She looked around the room and finally noticed that he was still in bed.

"Aw…" She let her eyes roam over Sweeney's sleeping form until she saw a familiar bump in the covers.

(Anthony)

Mrs Lovett raised an eyebrow.

"Huh." She knelt down and shook Sweeney gently by the shoulder.

"Ugh…" Sweeney groaned and opened his eyes. "What?"

"It's time to get up."

"Already?"

"Mm-hmm." She helped him sit up.

"Oh, man…" Sweeney rubbed his temples. "We have to be quiet. Anthony's still asleep." Mrs Lovett raised an eyebrow.

"Why's he up here, anyway?" She asked.

"Johanna kicked him out."

"Ah… Yeah, I heard them screaming at each other last night."

"Yeah… Anthony was really upset." Sweeney looked back at the pregnant sailor. "He was crying."

"Huh." The baker got up and closed the door. "How is he now?" She sat back down on the mattress.

"He's resting."

"Hm…" Mrs Lovett reached over and felt Anthony's forehead, then his belly. "He's warm."

"It's hot in here."

"No, he feels like he has a fever."

"Mmm…" Anthony shifted and groaned.

(baby kicking)

"Is he waking up?"

"I don't think so. He had a rough night."

"That's true."

"Mmm…" Anthony groaned again and opened his eyes.

"Huh… Guess he IS waking up."

"What?"

"Nothing, love." Mrs Lovett patted Anthony's leg. "Go on back to sleep."

"That's not gonna happen." The sailor sat up. "I'm already awake anyway…"

"All right." Mrs Lovett stood and headed for the door. "You hungry, love?"

"Not really." Anthony looked down at his belly and sighed. "I think I'll just stay up here for awhile, if that's okay."

"That's fine." Sweeney said as he got up off the mattress. "You can help me clean up after the customers."

"Okay." Anthony got up and stretched. "I'd rather not face Johanna."

"I understand."

* * *

It was a slow day for the demon barber of Fleet Street. A very slow day. It seemed to drag on forever with Anthony in the room. Sweeney's bloodlust was bad that day, even though he tried not to show it. He'd managed to shave every customer with precision and not a cut in sight.

(where the fuck is the judge)

"I'm gonna go outside for a bit. Is that okay?" Anthony asked him. It was near four in the afternoon and they both needed a break.

"That's fine." Sweeney sat down in his chair and sighed tiredly. "Go take a break."

"Thanks." Anthony opened the door and stepped out onto the balcony.

(watch Johanna from afar)

He leaned on the railing and looked down at Mrs Lovett's customers. Their mindless chatter floated up to him and he grunted quietly as he felt the baby stir.

(blonde head)

"What?" Anthony squinted down at the sight of long blonde hair. "Huh…" Johanna appeared to be helping Mrs Lovett with serving the customers.

Meanwhile, in the sea of customers, Johanna was pouring ale into someone's glass when she noticed Anthony standing on the balcony.

(Romeo and Juliet innocent flirting make him jealous)

A devilish grin spread across her pretty face at the thought.

"Miss?" A masculine voice brought her out of her thoughts. "My drink, please."

"Oh." Johanna turned back and filled his mug with ale. "Sorry."

"It's all right." She paused and took a look at his face. He had shiny bronze hair, emerald green eyes, long eyelashes, high cheekbones, and full lips. His voice was deep, smooth, and held an American accent.

(Adonis)

"Okay." Johanna set the pitcher down on the table. "My name is Johanna and I will be your server." She curtseyed.

"I'm Edward." He said. "Edward Curtis." He took Johanna's hand and kissed it gently. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"I should say the same to you, Edward." Johanna smiled coquettishly. "So, what brings you to London?"

"What makes you ask that?" He asked with a smile.

"Your accent is American, is it not?"

"Yes, it is."

"Then are you on holiday?"

"Of sorts, yes. I've been in London on business."

"Ah." Johanna shifted her weight to her left foot. "So, what brings you here to Mrs Lovett's humble pie shop?"

"I've heard that her pies are the best in all of London and I wanted to see if it was true."

"That makes sense." Johanna twirled a strand of her hair around her finger, turned around, and looked up at Anthony. She knew he was watching her.

(flirt shamelessly)

"So, um…" She began. "How old are you?"

"I'm almost 18. You?"

"I'm 17." Johanna lied before glancing back at Anthony. She could tell he was pissed. He was glaring down at her and Edward and tapping his fingers on the railing like it was a drum.

(it's working)

"Are you, uh… Are you spoken for?"

"No. Are you?"

"I was, but not anymore."

"Huh. Whoever he was, he must've been one lucky man to have been courting someone as pretty as you."

"Aw, thank you." Johanna looked back and sneered at Anthony. He was fuming by then, she could tell. His cheeks were an angry red and he was scowling darkly. "I have to go refill this. I'll be back."

"Okay." She grabbed the pitcher and headed inside. She made sure to flash Anthony another sneer on her way.

(bitch)

Anthony was pissed off. He saw Johanna flirting with that man. He couldn't believe she would do that to him.

(fucking bitch)

He pushed himself away from the railing and started down the stairs.

(what the fuck is her problem?)

Anthony dodged a drunk customer and followed Johanna to a keg.

"Johanna!" He called, trying unsuccessfully to hide the anger in his voice. "Johanna!" She didn't look up as she refilled her pitcher.

"What?"

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm refilling, you idiot. What does it look like?"

"I'm not talking about that." Anthony leaned against the keg. "Why the hell are you flirting with the customers?"

"Whatever do you mean?" Johanna feigned innocence.

"Don't play stupid with me. I saw you flirting with that guy. I know you're doing it just to piss me off."

"Is it working?"

"Yes!" Anthony clenched and unclenched his fists at his side. "I'm furious, Johanna! You think I like watching that?"

"I really don't care."

"Obviously you don't." He crossed his arms over his chest. "If you did, you wouldn't hurt me like this." Johanna sighed and turned to him. "Why are you doing this to me?" Anthony's voice had an edge to it like he was going to cry.

"I have customers to serve." Johanna pushed past him. "Go back upstairs."

"Oh, come on!" Anthony followed her. "Are you shitting me?"

"No, Anthony, I am not 'shitting you', as you so eloquently put it." Johanna kept walking.

"You're avoiding me."

"I am not."

"Bullshit!" She whipped around and glared at him.

"Go upstairs." She hissed. "I'm working. And besides, I don't want to talk to you. I have nothing to say to you."

"Fine." Anthony held his hands up in defeat. "Fine. Be like that. Go on and flirt like some fucking whore. See if I care!" He turned around and headed back up to the balcony.

"Okay." Johanna went back to serving.

Anthony stood and seethed as he watched her.

(burst into flames)

Right then, all he wanted to do was break something.

(pitcher)

He remembered that Johanna was holding a full pitcher of ale.

"Hmm… He focused on the pitcher in her hand and willed it to shatter as she began to fill a woman's glass.

(break spill cut you bastard)

To his amazement, the pitcher shattered after a few seconds, spraying ale everywhere and soaking Johanna.

"Hahahaha!" Anthony couldn't help but laugh at her reaction. Her eyes were bulging and her mouth kept opening and closing. She reminded him of a fish.

(epic burn)

Anthony grinned down at Johanna as she glared up at him. She looked like she was trying to yell at him, but no sound came out of her mouth.

"See ya!" He gave her a cheery little wave before retreating back into the barber shop.

* * *

The next couple of days seemed to drag on forever. Anthony would stand on the balcony and watch while Johanna flirted with the male customers. It pissed him off, but he figured she wasn't serious about her coquettishness.

Hey, a boy can dream, can't he?

By the third day, Anthony had begun to notice a pattern. Johanna seemed to have a favorite man that she would gravitate to. He was tall with bronze hair and a heart-shaped face. He couldn't hear their conversations, but she appeared to enjoy them. She would laugh at everything he said and Anthony would glare at him and will him to burst into flames.

By the fourth day, Johanna was back to flirting with the bronze-haired man. At that point, Anthony was ready to smack them both as she'd done to him.

(can't hit a girl)

He couldn't do it.

(just go for it)

He couldn't hit a woman.

(it's London nobody gives a fuck)

"Shut up." Anthony scolded the voice in his head.

(bastard)

"I'm not gonna hit her. Him, probably. But I can't hit her."

(go for it then)

"Fuck you."

(you're thinking it I'm just saying it)

(go smack him)

"Not yet." Anthony watched as Johanna bent down a little so Bronze Hair could reach her ear. "What the hell's he doing?" He watched him brush her hair to the side and appear to whisper in her ear.

(son of a bitch)

Johanna was giggling. Bronze Hair was stroking her hair and wrapping one arm around her waist.

(that does it)

"Oh HELL no." Anthony pushed himself away from the railing and started down the stairs. But before he was halfway down, his foot skidded on a step and he fell the rest of the way down the stairs. He landed on his front and he swore that he felt something shift wrong as the air was knocked out of him.

"Anthony!" He heard Johanna's voice and the footsteps of several other people as they crowded around him. "Are you all right?"

"Ow…" Anthony knew he was going to cry. He had to get out of there.

"Hey! Give him some room. Give him some air." He heard Mrs Lovett's voice. "Go on, get out of here." She knelt down next to him and shook his shoulder gently. "Are you all right?"

"No…" Tears were already running down Anthony's cheeks. He was clutching his belly and trying not to cry.

"Come on, love. Let's get you inside." Mrs Lovett helped him to his feet and led him through her shop and to her parlor. "Sit down." She helped him lie down on the sofa.

"Ow! Ow…" By then, Anthony was crying. "It hurts…"

"I know, love." Mrs Lovett held his hand and stroked his hair. "I know."

"Mrs Lovett?" Johanna's voice sounded from outside the door. "Can I come in?"

"Hold on." The baker patted Anthony's hand. "I'm gonna let Johanna in and then find Mark, okay?"

"I don't wanna see her!"

"Anthony, someone has to watch you while I'm gone. I'll be back as soon as I can." She got up and let Johanna in. "Johanna, try to keep him calm and comfortable until I come back with Mark, all right?"

"Right."

"I'll be back as soon as I can." With that, she left the teens alone.

"Anthony?" Johanna knelt down next to the sofa. "Are you all right?"

"No…" He sobbed. "I just fell down the stairs and it hurts and now the baby's probably gonna die!" He turned his head away from her and began to cry harder.

"I'm sorry." Johanna took his hand. "I didn't know this would happen." Anthony didn't seem to hear her.

"I was being stupid." She continued. "I'm sorry I yelled at you and I'm sorry I hit you. I'm sorry I flirted with those men. It's just… I get belligerent and a little crazy when I'm on my monthlies. I get violent… I get hateful… I overheat… I do things I regret later. I'm sorry." She blinked tears away. "I'm sorry." She stroked his hand and sat with him while he cried.

After about 30 minutes, the door opened and Mrs Lovett rushed in with her brother in tow.

"How bad is he?" She asked.

"He's been crying since you left." Johanna stood up. "He looks like he's in a lot of pain."

"Okay…" Mark knelt down next to the couch and placed his ear against Anthony's belly. "Okay, I think that's the baby's heartbeat I'm hearing."

"Oh, good…"

"Anthony, can you feel it kicking?" The sailor sniffled and nodded.

"Uh-huh…"

"Okay. That's a good sign." Anthony felt Mark rub his belly and more kicks.

"It's kicking…"

"That's good. That means the baby's okay."

"Oh, good…" The sailor looked relieved. "Thank God…" Tears ran down his cheeks and he gave a shaky sigh.

"I suggest you take it easy for the next few days." Mark took his ledger out of his bag and began to write. "That means no strenuous activities. Try not to move around too much, if you can help it. And for the love of God, eat something. It would be beneficial if you gained some weight."

"Okay…" Anthony sat up with some help from the doctor. "I can do that… hopefully…"

"Let's get you back upstairs, then." Mark lifted Anthony. "I'll carry you."

"You don't have to." The sailor glanced at the floor. "If you and Mrs Lovett were on either side of me, wouldn't it work just as well?"

"Hm…" Mark paused. "Didn't think of that." He set him down and put an arm around his waist. "Nell?"

"I'm comin'." Mrs Lovett got on Anthony's other side and put one arm around his waist. "Let's go."

* * *

**Fuck... Anthony's becoming crazier and crazier as I write this. Arguing with himself and losing... Shit.**

**Was the bit of telekinesis too much? I think it might've been.**

**I might be adding a lot of Spanish to this story, just so you know, so if you don't know Spanish, tough shit. Look everything up. I might as well make use of my Spanish skills now, since I'm not going to Spain or Mexico or Chicago any time soon…**


	12. Month 6, part 3: Weird relatives

**FYI: Contains introduction of new character (portrayed by Lisa Robin Kelly from That 70s Show). I own said character kind of. You've been warned.**

* * *

The next few days seemed to fly by. Anthony would spend a good portion of each day resting in Sweeney's shop and Mark would occasionally go up and check on him. Mrs Lovett would bring a tray of food up for him about 3 times each day, as well. He was allowed to walk around, but only if assisted by Sweeney.

After about a week, Johanna started to hang around the shop. Anthony, however, didn't talk to her. He hardly even looked at her. He didn't want to see her.

"Anthony?"

(don't talk to her)

(she apologized)

(doesn't matter she hit you)

(she apologized)

(you fell because of her)

(that was my fault)

(you stupid clumsy bastard)

(shut up)

(you shut up)

"Hey. Anthony." Johanna's voice brought him out of his reverie.

"What?"

"I want to talk to you."

"Ugh…" Anthony sighed and laid back. "You've apologized already. Just let me lie here."

"You heard the apology?"

"Yes, Johanna, I did." Anthony blew his hair out of his face and ran his hand over his belly when he felt a kick. "I heard what you said."

"Good." Johanna took his hand in hers. "I really am sorry for what I said to you."

"I know." He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Can you forgive me? I know what I did was stupid and what I said was uncalled for. I know that."

"Yes. It was." He sat up. "You really hurt me, Johanna."

"I know."

"But…" He began. "I said some things I shouldn't have said, too. I'm sorry." He grunted when he felt the baby kick. "I didn't mean the things I said to you."

"I understand." Johanna looked down at her hands. "We're both hormonal and we're both getting upset easily."

"Yeah… We are."

There was a very awkward silence.

"So, uh…" Johanna was biting her lip. "Are we cool?"

"Uh…" Anthony hesitated. "I guess. So, uh… What, do we kiss now, or something?"

"I guess so." Johanna wrapped her arms around him and held him close. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder. She still smelled like lavender, just like he remembered.

"You still smell nice."

"You would notice." She stroked his hair. "Your hair's softer."

"It is?"

"Yeah." Johanna reached down and felt Anthony's belly. "How's the baby?"

"Still alive and kickin'." Anthony covered her hand with his own. "When I fell, I thought for sure that it killed him."

"Him?" Johanna raised an eyebrow.

"I have a feeling it's going to be a boy."

"Why do you say that?"

"It's a trick Laurie taught me."

"Laurie?"

"My sister. She's around 22. She's also something of a whore and she likes the old wives' tales. She taught me a few of them."

"Oh?"

"Uh-huh. For example, the ring trick to tell if the baby's going to be a boy or a girl. What you do is tie about 30 centimeters of string to a ring, lie down, and then hold the string over your belly. Supposedly, if it goes in circles, it's a boy, and if it just goes back and forth, it's a girl."

"Ah… Interesting." Johanna ran her hand over the bump.

"Ah…"

"What?"

"He knows you're there." Anthony looked down. "He's kicking."

"I know. I felt him."

They sat there for a few more minutes until Sweeney walked in.

"I see you two have made up." He commented.

"Yup." Anthony shifted and grunted.

"There's, uh…" Sweeney knelt down next to the two. "There's someone downstairs who wants to visit you."

"But I don't know anyone in London except you, Mark, and Mrs Lovett."

"She claims to be your older sister."

"Laurie? Makeup, bleached blonde hair, kind of whorish-looking? THAT Laurie? She's here?"

"Um… Yes? I think that's her."

"Okay…" Anthony glanced at Johanna. "I guess she can come up…"

"All right." Sweeney got up, walked out the door, and cupped his hand next to his mouth. "Hey, LAURIE!"

About a minute later, a woman with blonde hair, dark roots, and a face full of powder and rouge walked in. She looked to be in her early twenties and was wearing a very low-cut dark green dress that was a couple inches too short.

"Hey, little brother." She knelt down by Johanna as Anthony pulled his blanket up to cover his belly.

"Hey, Laurie. You still whoring around Plymouth?"

"You still friends with that moron, Kelso?"

"Yes, why?"

"Just wondering. Damn."

"So, uh… Laurie, is it?" Johanna began. "What brings you here?"

"Oh, y'know." Laurie twirled a strand of her hair around her finger. "I heard something was wrong with Anthony. Knowing this little bonehead here, he got it from eating something he wasn't supposed to."

"What, did Kelso tell you that?" Anthony wrapped his arms protectively over his belly.

"Okay, fine, you got me." Laurie frowned. "I did hear it from Kelso. He said you were acting weird." She eyed his belly. "Kind of like you are right now."

"I'm not acting weird." Anthony leaned forward slightly.

"Yes you are. I can tell you're hiding something." Laurie narrowed her eyes. "C'mon. Lemme see your belly."

"Why?"

"Just let me see it."

"Ugh… Fine…" Anthony pulled his arms away and leaned back to reveal the baby bump.

"Oh my…" Laurie's jaw dropped and Anthony sighed.

"Go ahead…" He pulled the blanket away. "Go on and make fun of me like you always do."

"Anthony…" She reached over and ran her hand back and forth over the bump. "How did this happen?"

"Don't ask." Anthony grunted when he felt a hard kick. "It's best to just accept the fact that I'm pregnant…"

"This is impossible."

"That's what I said." He laid back.

(denial)

"I couldn't believe it when we got the news. I thought Mark was bullshitting me."

"Mark?"

"He's a doctor." Johanna stroked Anthony's belly. "He's here quite a lot."

"Is he married?" Laurie's eyebrows rose hopefully.

"Wow, Laurie…" Anthony sat up. "Yes, he's married. And, no, he's not interested."

"Oh." Her eyebrows went back down.

"I mean, not that it's stopped you before, but…"

"Oh, shut up." Laurie smacked his arm. "I don't go with the uninterested ones."

"Just the married ones?"

"They never say they're married."

"Well, yeah, one doesn't usually tell a whore that they're married." Laurie smirked at him.

"At least I'm doing something." She said snobbily. "If you weren't so insistent on celibacy until marriage, you wouldn't be a virgin at 16."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with waiting until marriage." Anthony glanced at Johanna. "Right, Johanna?"

"That's right." Johanna put her arm around him and smiled.

"Yesh..." Anthony tucked his hair behind his ears. "So, uh… This is awkward."

"No shit." The siblings both turned to Johanna.

"I thought girls of breeding weren't supposed to curse." Laurie commented.

"Hey, I am what I am." Johanna shrugged. "I may have been raised by a judge, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he did a good job.

"Point taken." The older girl smoothed her skirt. "I guess that could be true."

"Fuckin' A."

"Yeah… Judge Turpin is an asshole." Anthony's expression darkened. "He's the reason Mr Todd is so fucked-up."

"Really?" Laurie raised her eyebrows.

"How do you know that?" Johanna asked him.

"Late-night conversations." The sailor picked at his fingernails. "And he talks in his sleep."

"Quit tearing up your nails." Laurie grabbed one of his hands.

"If I wanna tear up my nails, I'm gonna tear 'em up." Anthony bit down on his thumbnail.

"Quit it! You know it drives me crazy."

"Maybe that's why I do it."

"Ugh!" Laurie pulled his thumb out of his mouth. "Quit biting your nails!"

"Seriously, Anthony, quit it." Johanna put a hand on his shoulder. "That's gross."

"Sorry." Anthony folded his hands in his lap. "So, um… Yeah. Awkward."

* * *

**Aw, shit, I'm sorry about this chapter. I know it's really fuckin' awkward.**


	13. Month 7, part 1: Estoy enfermo

**Yay! Finally, I get to put this chapter up because some kind person gave me the first review for this that I've had in several weeks. But I realize that some of you want another twist in this fic. So, you want another twist in the story? Here's your fuckin' twist. It comes in a little later.**

* * *

_October_

After about three weeks, Anthony seemed to have made a full recovery from his fall. The baby was still kicking and growing, something he was grateful for every day, however hard and slightly painful the kicks had gotten. The fight between him and Johanna seemed to have been forgotten and all was well. He was constantly tired, but he assumed that was to be expected.

"Ah…" Anthony sat down on the couch next to Johanna. "Motherfucker…"

"You all right?" Johanna put her book down on her lap.

"Yeah… My feet seem to have disappeared and my back is killing me, but other than that, I'm fine." He rubbed his belly and rested his head on the back of the couch. "I'm ready to have this kid out of me."

"I know." Johanna scooted closer to him and put her arm around him. "Can't say I sympathize, though."

"Lucky…" Anthony grunted when he felt a hard kick. "I envy you."

"Why?"

"You're not pregnant."

"Oh. Yeah, I'd say I'm pretty happy about that." She grinned and laughed as he gave her arm a gentle punch. "Hey! C'mon!"

"Ugh…" Anthony shifted and leaned on her. "I feel like I'm about to explode."

"Hm…" She ran her hand over the bump. "How long's it been?"

"It's October now, so about seven months." He looked down. "I have turned into a planet."

"C'mon, you're not that big."

"I'm huge." Anthony turned his head to the side and looked down. "My stomach is a planet and my ass has turned into a moon."

"You haven't gotten that big."

"Johanna, my hips have gotten so big that I can't fit my clothes anymore. I've let my trousers out as far as they will go. Hell, I'm having to borrow Mr Todd's clothes."

"How's he dealing with that?"

"I don't think he cares." Anthony shifted again and grunted. "Ah…"

"Everything all right?"

"Uh-huh… He's just kicking me really hard…"

"Ah." Johanna shifted and put her hand on his belly. "Shit. He IS kicking hard." She ran her hand back and forth over the bump. This seemed to soothe the baby.

"That's better." Anthony covered her hand with his own. "That stopped the kicking…" He looked down. "I have mountains on my chest."

"What?" Johanna chuckled.

"I'm starting to legitimately look like a woman." He poked at his chest. "I've got fat growing where it's not supposed to."

"A woman in men's clothing." They looked up at the sound of Sweeney's voice.

"What?"

"A woman in men's clothing." Sweeney repeated. "It makes a little bit of sense. You do kind of look female at certain angles."

"Shut up."

"What? It's true." He sat down next to Anthony.

"Meh… It doesn't really help that I'm pregnant, does it?"

"No, not really." Sweeney reached over and felt the sailor's belly. "How's it been going?"

"Fine." Anthony shifted in his seat and grunted. "He's still alive in there." He poked at the bump. "I'm pretty sure he's still growing, 'cause I'm getting bigger every day."

"Hm." Sweeney pressed one ear to the bump.

"What're you doing?"

"I honestly can say that I don't know. Listening for a heartbeat, maybe?"

"Why?"

"I dunno." Sweeney moved his ear up a little. "I can hear something. I can't tell if it's your heartbeat or your kid moving around."

"Ack…" Anthony grunted and grabbed his belly, almost poking Sweeney in the eye with his finger. "He's definitely moving around. He's kicking you in the head."

"Ha ha." Sweeney straightened. "You've got a strong little bugger in there."

"No, really?" Anthony looked down. "I never would've guessed by the way it's starting to hurt when he kicks."

"Okay, sorry. No need to get sarcastic on me."

There was an awkward pause.

"So, uh… Dad…" Johanna looked uncomfortable. "How goes the shaving?"

"It's fine." Sweeney pulled his legs onto the couch and sat Indian-style. "I deal with some assholes, but it's mostly all right."

"Assholes like the judge?"

"Yeah, assholes like him come up every day."

"Ouch." Johanna cringed.

"It's fine. I shave them well and it shuts them up."

"Oh." She thought for a moment. "Have you ever been tempted to…"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever been tempted to, uh… I dunno… Slit a throat or two?"

"Johanna!" Anthony smacked her arm.

"What? I've always wanted to ask!"

"No, no, it's okay." Sweeney shook his head. "People are quite curious about that. But I have been tempted to do so. I mean, c'mon, who hasn't?"

"Heh…" Anthony looked uncomfortable. "Okay… Changing the subject."

"Relax, Anthony." Sweeney patted his shoulder.

"Okay…" He suddenly looked a little paler than usual.

"Are you all right?" Johanna patted his hand. "You don't look so good."

"I don't feel so good…" He stood with some difficulty and wobbled.

"Whoa!" Sweeney got up and supported him. "Come on. Sit down." He helped him lie down on the floor. "Are you dizzy at all?"

"Yes…" Anthony sat up. "I feel sick…"

"Oh bugger… Come on, then." Sweeney helped him stand and led him outside. "Come on. It's okay. I've got you."

"Shit!" Anthony pulled away and ran into the alley between the pie shop and the building next door.

"This isn't good." Sweeney and Johanna followed him.

"Anthony?" They rounded the corner and neither of them were prepared for what they saw.

Anthony was bent over, holding his belly with one arm and using his other arm to keep his balance by holding onto the wall.

"Oh, no…" Johanna rushed to him and gathered his hair away from his face.

"Shit…" Sweeney reached over and felt his forehead.

(too damn hot)

It was much too hot. "He's burning up."

"I know." Johanna wiped her hand on her skirt as Anthony vomited noisily. "Where's Mrs Lovett?"

"She's at the market. Sunday is her shopping day."

"Can you go get her? I don't want to leave Anthony here alone." Johanna rubbed his back. "Ew… Hurry. He's already soaked."

"Are you sure you can handle him?"

"I think so."

"Are you positive?"

"Yes, Dad, I can handle him. Just go! Hurry!"

"Okay, I'm going!" Sweeney backed out of the alley and headed in the direction of the market.

(help go for help find Mrs Lovett)

"Anthony?" Johanna stroked hair and let him lean on her. "Dad went to go get Mrs Lovett, okay?"

"Ugh…" Anthony leaned away from her and threw up again.

"Aw, shit…" Johanna thought she could see blood. "Shh…"

(poor thing)

"It's okay…" She stroked his hair and noticed that it was already soaked in sweat. "I've got you."

"Okay…" Anthony held his stomach and gagged.

"It's okay. Dad will be back. I'll stay here with you." Johanna pulled a ribbon from her pocket and tied his hair back.

"It won't stop…" Anthony whimpered.

"I know." Johanna rubbed his back as he coughed and retched.

"It hurts…"

"I know it does." She hugged him gently. "I know it hurts."

"Make it stop…"

"I would if I could, Anthony. I would if I could."

"Oh…" He sounded like he was about to cry.

"It's okay…" Johanna wrapped her arms around him and laid him down on the ground. "Try not to move too much." She reached over and wiped tears from his cheeks. "It's okay… Don't cry…"

"It hurts…" Anthony closed his eyes and let more tears fall.

"I know." Johanna scooted so his head was in her lap. "I know, baby." She took his hand and stroked his hair as he began to cry. "Shh… Don't cry, you'll make yourself sicker."

"It won't stop hurting…" His hand crept to his belly.

"Is the baby moving?" He nodded.

"I'm cold…" He turned onto his side and pulled his knees as close to his chest as he could manage.

"How can you be cold when your skin is so hot?" He shivered in response.

"I don't know… I'm just cold…"

"I know." Johanna ran her hand up and down his arm. "Mrs Lovett will be here in a little bit, okay? Can you try and rest for me?"

"Ugh…" Anthony rubbed his belly.

"You'll feel better after you get some rest." She stroked his hair. "Trust me."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Just trust me." Johanna pulled a hankie from her bodice and wiped more tears from his cheeks. "It's okay… I won't leave you here. I'll keep you safe."

Anthony lost consciousness after about 10 minutes of lying in Johanna's lap. Johanna kept her word and sat with him until Sweeney arrived with Mrs Lovett much later.

"Where have you been?" She asked. "We've been waiting her for like 40 minutes!"

"I had trouble finding Mrs Lovett." Sweeney knelt down next to the teens. "We had to run all the way back."

"And Mr Todd is not a fast runner." Mrs Lovett knelt down too. "How is he?"

"He said he felt cold, but his skin is really hot and he threw up and I think there was blood in it and-"

"Slow down, dearie. Take a breath." Mrs Lovett patted Johanna's shoulder. "What else happened?"

"He said he felt dizzy." Sweeney added.

"Anything else?"

"No, I think that's it."

"Well, he was also crying until about 30 minutes ago. He kept saying something was hurting."

"Hm…" Mrs Lovett felt Anthony's belly and forehead. "Has the baby been moving?"

"He said it was, yes."

"Okay." The baker stood and lifted Anthony off the ground. "We should get him inside before he gets any worse."

"Okay." Sweeney wrapped his arms around the sailor. "I'll take him for you."

"All right." Mrs Lovett let him fall into Sweeney's arms.

"Ungh…" Anthony groaned and opened his eyes. "Mr Todd…?"

"Shh…" Sweeney hitched him higher. "Just go back to sleep. It's okay."

"Mmm…"

"It's okay, Anthony." Johanna patted his hair. "We're gonna take care of you."

"Mmm…" Anthony moaned and closed his eyes.

"Come on, love. Let's go inside." Mrs Lovett's voice was the last thing he heard before finally losing consciousness.

* * *

After being given a cool bath, Anthony was taken up to Sweeney's shop and put to bed, where he slept fitfully for the next few days. His fever wasn't going down, which concerned the barber quite a bit.

"Mrs Lovett?"

"Yesh?"

"Isn't his fever supposed to be going down as he sleeps?"

"Well, Mista T, keep in mind that he's pregnant. These things are slightly different when paired with pregnancy."

"They are?"

"According to Mark, they are." Mrs Lovett sat down by Sweeney. "He oughtta be fine."

"Are you sure?" He glanced at Anthony. The sailor had been sleeping for the past three days without awakening once. His skin was very pale and dry as paper. "He doesn't look good."

"Yeah… That's what I thought too, but he looks better than he did a couple days ago."

"He looks the same to me."

"Yeah…" Mrs Lovett put her arm around Sweeney. "He'll be fine."

* * *

**There's your fucking twist.**


	14. Month 7, part 2: Feeling better?

**Summary: Just read the fucking chapter. I didn't put it up so that you could read the summary and nothing else. That's just laziness and it's something the lazy-ass motherfuckers in my Gems of Lit class tried to pull while we read Macbeth.**

**Disclaimer: …**

* * *

About a week and a half passed, but Anthony showed very few signs of improvement. His fever would be down one day, but then it would spike.

(complications)

Everyone assumed that the baby had some part in it.

(Lord help him someone please)

Sweeney seemed to be the most concerned. Every day, he would go up to his shop, where Anthony was quarantined. He would stay there most of the day and only come down for meals.

On this particular day, Anthony wasn't doing very well at all. His fever was high, his skin was paler than ever, and now it seemed that he was having nightmares.

"No…" He was moaning in his sleep.

(don't leave me)

"Anthony?" Sweeney was kneeling by the mattress.

(stop it don't go please stay with me)

"Ungh…" Anthony shifted and turned his head.

"Hey." Sweeney shook his shoulder gently. "Wake up."

"Mmm…"

"C'mon. Wake up."

"Mmm…" Anthony moaned and furrowed his brows. This dream was definitely not a good one.

"Shh…" Sweeney smoothed the sailor's hair back and cringed at how hot his skin felt. "It's okay…"

Anthony was still and silent for several minutes.

"Porque…" Sweeney heaved a sigh. "Why him?" He looked upward. Then he did something he had not done in a long time.

He prayed.

"Dear Lord…" He folded his hands, closed his eyes, bowed his head, and sighed. "Please help Anthony get through this. Please help him overcome this illness."

(please Lord)

"Help us and give us strength to keep him and his child alive." Sweeney reached over and rested one hand on Anthony's slender forearm. "They're too young to die… Please spare their lives…" He sniffled and blinked tears away. "Please…"

(nothing's gonna harm you)

He turned away from the mattress and put his head into his hands.

(no father lost child widow Johanna)

(Anthony lying in a coffin nobody to mourn child still inside)

"Oh, God…" He let out a sob and bit down on his knuckle. "Please, God…" Before too long, Sweeney was crying.

(hear my prayer)

He didn't even hear the bells on the door ringing.

(help)

Sweeney didn't even realize someone else had entered the shop until he felt a pair of arms wrap around him and pull him against something warm.

"Shh…" He felt someone stroke his hair. "It's all right, love. Just let it out."

"Mrs Lovett?"

"Shh…" Mrs Lovett kissed the top of his head. "It's okay. I'll be here. Just cry if you need to."

And Sweeney cried. He cried long and he cried hard. He sat there in Mrs Lovett's arms and cried until he couldn't cry any more.

"Feel better?" Mrs Lovett asked once he'd calmed down.

"No…" He sniffled and dried his eyes.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"Not really." Sweeney tucked his hair behind his ears. "Not yet."

"Let me know when you're ready." The baker pulled him close.

"Okay…" He laid his head down on her shoulder and sighed.

They sat there like that for about an hour. Mrs Lovett held Sweeney close and neither of them spoke until Anthony stirred.

"What's going on…?" He lifted his head from his pillow.

"Hm?" He heard Sweeney sniffle.

"What's going on?" The baker turned around.

"Anthony!" She looked surprised. "You're awake!"

"Yep…" Anthony propped himself up on his elbows. "I feel funny."

"Well, you've been asleep for several days. It's understandable."

"Hm, great…" Anthony sighed and Mrs Lovett reached over and felt his forehead.

"You're still hot."

"Joy…" Anthony laid back and sighed.

"How're you feeling?"

"I've been better, but I've been worse."

"Um…" Mrs Lovett and Sweeney exchanged a glace. "That's not really helpful. Okay, compared to a week ago, how do you feel?"

"Better. Still not good, but better."

"That's good. Has the baby been moving around?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay." Mrs Lovett stood. "I'm gonna go get Mark. He said to let 'im know when you were coherent again."

"Okay." The baker exited, leaving Anthony alone with Sweeney.

"So, why were you crying?" Anthony asked after a few minutes.

"What?"

"Why were you crying?"

"I wasn't."

"Don't lie, I heard you. What was wrong?"

"Anthony…" Sweeney heaved a sigh and raked the back of one hand over his eyes.

"It's okay. I'm not gonna bite." Anthony rubbed his belly and cringed when he felt a kick. "Ah…"

"Do you really want me to tell you?"

"Sí."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Everyone loses it sooner or later."

"Good point…"

"I know." Anthony rolled onto his side and sniffled. "C'mon. I'll listen."

"I was…" Sweeney sighed. "I was praying."

"What for?"

"You." The barber turned toward Anthony.

"Why?"

"Well…" Sweeney sighed again. "You've been so sick as of late… I didn't think you were going to make it. None of us did. And the fact that you're pregnant isn't really an assuring fact." He put his head in his hands. "I had to pray."

"Ah…"

"I was scared, Anthony. You weren't looking good at all."

"How bad was it?"

"Just… Bad." Sweeney sniffled. "We were all afraid you'd never wake up."

"So that's why you were crying? ¿Llorasté porque tuviste miedo?"

"What?"

"You cried because you were scared."

"Oh… Yeah, I suppose you could say that."

"Ah." Anthony wriggled out from under his blanket, crawled to Sweeney, and hugged him. "Well, I'm not going to die. I'm tougher than I look."

"Yes…" The barber put his arms around the sailor. "You are."

"I'm not gonna let it slow me down." Anthony let his head rest on Sweeney's shoulder. "It's never stopped me before."

"No?"

"Not even when I had the influenza at sea."

"When was this?"

"I was 15 and this was before we met." Anthony shifted and got comfortable. "I'd gotten sick from sitting up with a friend who'd been infected. And I hadn't been able to sleep much, on top of that, being a sailor and that's part of the lifestyle anyway. But anyhow, I got worse and worse, but I didn't really think much of it until I passed out while I was on watch duty."

"Ouch." Sweeney leaned over, reached for the blanket, and draped it around Anthony. "How long were you sick?"

"3 weeks, methinks. It was bad." Anthony adjusted the blanket and got comfortable again. "Worse than these past couple weeks have been, though."

"Ah."

"So… Yeah. I've been worse."

"Yeah…" Sweeney held Anthony close and rocked back and forth. "I can imagine."

"Of course, that was long before I got pregnant…"

"I should hope so." Sweeney gave a small smile. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Me too." Anthony closed his eyes. "I'm just glad to be thinking clearly again."

"Yesh… Coherence is a good thing."

"No shit, really?"

"No sarcasm."

"Sorry."

They sat there like that for a few minutes until Mrs Lovett and Mark showed up.

"Uh… This isn't a bad time, is it?" Mark raised his eyebrows when he saw Sweeney holding Anthony.

"Nope. Just a little male bonding goin' on." Anthony mumbled.

"He got cold and I'm keeping him warm."

"Yeah, like a fuckin' egg."

"Uh-huh…" Mark knelt down by the two. "Anthony, I'm gonna need you to lie down."

"Okay." Anthony pulled away from Sweeney and laid down on his mattress.

"How're you feeling?"

"Better. I'm coherent, at least."

"That's good." Mark felt Anthony's belly. "Has the baby been moving?"

"Yes. Quite a lot, actually."

"That's good."

"Yeah, guess so." Anthony glanced at his belly. "I'm ready for this baby to come out."

"I know, love." Mrs Lovett rested her hand on his belly. "We're ready too."

"Ah…" He cringed when he felt a kick. "I can't believe I've still got 2 months to go."

"It'll be over before you know it." Mark rifled through his bag.

"I sure hope so…" Anthony wiggled his toes. "I miss being able to see my feet."

"Yeah…" Mrs Lovett smiled. "I remember that part."

"Say what?"

"When I was pregnant with Arthur. I got so big that I could've very well had something orbiting me."

"Arthur?"

"My son." The baker shook her hair back. "He's a couple years older than you. He's out on his own. He visits sometimes."

"What does he do?"

"He's an entrepreneur. He sells various things door-to-door, mostly new inventions he's been asked to sell. Most of them are American items."

"Ah." Anthony turned onto his side. "Those Americans sure have a lot of ideas."

"Have you ever been there?" Sweeney asked. Anthony looked at him like he was retarded.

"Hell yes, I've been there. New York, Louisiana, Virginia, South Carolina, and Florida."

"What's it like there?"

"It's a helluva lot different from England, I'll tell you that much."

"Are the people weird?"

"Extremely." Anthony propped himself up on his elbows. "On the fourth of July, they gather in public places and light fireworks."

"Hey, isn't that their Independence Day?" Mrs Lovett asked.

"I don't know. Maybe? It was fun, though. All of us watched from the ship. I don't think any of us had ever seen fireworks. We'd heard about 'em, but I guess none of us had ever seen 'em up close."

"Nice!" Mark took his ledger out of his bag. "When Nell and I were young, our parents used to light fireworks at the start of each summer."

"Well, until this idiot here almost burned the house down." Mrs Lovett poked her twin. "Then we had to stop."

"You aren't going to let me live it down, are you?"

"Nope."

"Wow." Anthony had to laugh.

"Hey, the fact that we're twins doesn't necessarily make us the perfect brother-sister combination."

"Point taken." The sailor grunted and rubbed his belly. "I really hope I'm not carrying twins..."

"For your sake, I hope so too." Mark pressed his ear to the bump. "I think there's only one in there, though."

"Can you hear anything?"

"I think I'm hearing a heartbeat, but I can't tell if it's yours or the baby's."

"Damn." Anthony laid back. "He must be sleeping." He sighed. "I am going to be the happiest man alive when this pregnancy is over…"

* * *

**I hate when I have to spend over 3 weeks working on a chapter.**

**If my Spanish is off, even just a little, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know so I can fix it.**


	15. Month 8, part 1: Kelso

**Summary: …**

**Disclaimer: …**

**Fucking writer's block.**

* * *

_November_

A couple weeks passed and all traces of disease were gone from the barbershop and the pie shop. By then, Anthony was so pregnant that getting through doors was becoming a hazard. He was constantly uncomfortable and he was starting to get frustrated with his newfound inability to move about without knocking anything over.

"Johanna…" He groaned. "How much longer?"

"You've still got a few more weeks to go."

"Great…" Anthony sat down on the floor and put his head in his hands.

"We'll just have to find some way to take your mind off it and pass the time." Johanna sat down next to him and put her arm around his waist.

"I feel like a walrus."

"I know."

"I feel like I'm gonna be pregnant forever."

"Like I said, you've only got a few more weeks to go." She reached over and rubbed his belly. "So, uh… What do you wanna do?"

"I dunno, what do you wanna do?"

"I dunno, what do you wanna do?"

"I dunno, what do you wanna do?"

"I dunno." Johanna twirled a strand of her hair around her finger. "You wanna get married?"

"Sure." Anthony didn't sound like he was serious.

"Today? I'm serious."

"I'm not getting married."

"What? Why not?"

"What do you mean, why not? Think about it!"

"Well, y'know, other than being too young, having no place to live, and you being eight months pregnant, give me one good reason why not."

"Johanna." Anthony turned his head to face her. "We're definitely too young. Are we even ready to get married? Look, we've already got a baby on the way and we know nothing about childcare."

"I know a few things." Johanna hugged him and sighed. "I know this is a difficult time, but we can make this work. All that matters is that we love each other."

"Yeah, I suppose." Anthony placed his forehead against hers. "But how would we go about the actual wedding? Wouldn't it look a little suspicious if you, a girl, showed up at a church with me in tow?"

"Why would that be suspicious?"

"Uh, Johanna, in case you haven't noticed, I'm eight months pregnant, not to mention that I'm constantly mistaken for a female."

"Oh, relax. Once you speak, people can tell you're a boy. But I understand what you're saying. Your pregnancy is probably something to be kept under wraps."

"Yep." Anthony laid down and sighed. "Johanna?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think all this was supposed to happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"This. Everything. Us meeting, you meeting your real father, my pregnancy."

"Oh… Hm. Maybe." Johanna played with a strand of Anthony's hair. "Who really knows anymore?"

"I dunno." He sighed and raised his head. "So, how are we going to do this?"

"Hm… What if we tried the tactic you used to help me escape Fogg's asylum?"

"What, dress you up in my clothes?"

"Yeah, and maybe dress you up like a girl."

Anthony started to laugh.

"What is so damn hilarious about that?"

"Uh, Johanna? I know you're willing to cross-dress, but I'm not."

"Well, how else would we legitimize your pregnancy?"

"We could just say I'm a fat bastard."

"Only your stomach has gotten big, though. Everything else on you is near skeletal." Johanna grabbed one of Anthony's arms and held it up. "See? Skeletal."

"I have muscle." Anthony reclaimed his arm. "It's just all under my sleeves, where you can't see it." He rubbed his bicep and grunted.

THUD.

"Ow! Shit."

"Trip over air again, Dad?" Johanna called over her shoulder.

"I'm okay!" Sweeney stumbled in, clutching his left hand to his chest. "Just tripped over air again. I'm fine."

"You're not drunk, are you?" Anthony asked.

"I'm not drunk."

"You sure? That's the third time you've tripped over something today."

"I'm not drunk, dammit." Sweeney sat down on the couch. "Just clumsy."

"Dad?"

"Yes, love?"

"What would you say if Anthony and I decided to get married?"

"Well…" Sweeney cleared his throat. "Seven or eight months ago, I probably would've hit Anthony, asked you if you were pregnant, and maybe kicked him out, but now that I've lived with you both for awhile, I think it'd be a good idea."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah." He got down on the floor and hugged his daughter. "Anthony obviously loves you very much, and I can see that you love him just the same. I know you two will be very happy together."

"That's a given."

"I know you'd both be devastated if something happened to the other."

"That's true." Johanna pulled away. "But, uh… What should we do once all of this is over?"

"Once what is over?"

"I think she means right after I have the baby."

"Yeah, what he said."

"I don't know. I suppose it wouldn't hurt if you two stayed here for a few weeks afterward. With a new baby, you're gonna need all the help you can get. Trust me on this. Johanna, when you were born, Lucy and I just about went insane." Sweeney smiled at the memory. "If Mrs Lovett and Mark hadn't been there to help out, there's no telling what could've happened." By then, Johanna was cringing.

"Was it really that bad? Is it gonna be that bad?"

"I don't think there's much cause to worry, since you've got me and the twins helping you. But if Anthony is unwilling to let the baby out of his sight, then there might be a problem."

"I'll try not to be clingy." Anthony rubbed his belly. "I don't really know anything about being a father."

"Technically, you'd be a mother." Sweeney interrupted.

"Why would I be a mother?"

"Mothers carry the babies."

"But I'm male."

"Well, you're still gonna have a baby in a month."

"True…" Anthony bit his lip. "Who would the father be?"

"I dunno." Sweeney shrugged. "You, I guess?"

"How exactly does THAT work?"

"I dunno."

"How can I be both the mother and the father of my baby?"

"Uh…" Sweeney bit his lip. "Fuck. Should've thought this through before I stuck my foot in my mouth." By then, Anthony was staring like Sweeney was retarded.

"Are you retarded? Or do you just never think before you speak?"

"I'm not retarded, I suffer from Foot-In-Mouth disease."

"'Cause I'm starting to get the impression that you were dropped on your head when you were a baby." Sweeney looked slightly insulted.

"I take offense to that."

"Of course you do."

"Say what…?" Toby stumbled in. He was holding a bottle of gin and wearing an odd stiff hat with a tassel.

"Toby, what is on your head?" Sweeney asked.

"Huh?" Toby felt the top of his head. "It's a hat."

"I know that. What kind of hat?"

"It's called a fez." Anthony interrupted. "They wear 'em in Morocco."

"They do?"

"Yeah. Kelso bought one for himself while we were there. He looks like a fucking idiot when he wears it, but he doesn't care."

"I do NOT look stupid!" A familiar voice rang from the hallway.

"Kelso?" Anthony's eyebrows rose in surprise. "The fuck are you doing here?"

"I was eatin' and havin' some drinks with my boy Toby over here." Jacob stepped in and Anthony could see that he'd bulked up a little. It looked like he still refused to wear a coat and he appeared to be drunk. "He looks good in my fez, doesn't he?"

Sweeney covered his mouth and tried to stifle a laugh.

"Sorry, Kelso." His face turned red and he cracked a smile. "He looks stupid too."

"Yeah, sorry, Kelso."

"Oh, boy…" Johanna looked uncomfortable.

"Who's the girl?" Jacob stumbled in for a closer look. "She yours?"

"Kelso, this is Johanna." Anthony put an arm around her.

"She's my daughter." Sweeney withdrew his razor from the holster on his hip and flipped it open and closed nonchalantly. "She's with Anthony."

"She's with HOPE?" Jacob started to laugh loudly. "REALLY?"

"Kelso, shut the fuck up!" Anthony stood up suddenly.

"Holy shit!" Jacob abruptly stopped laughing when he saw how large his friend had grown. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Don't ask." Anthony waddled closer.

"No, really, Hope, what happened? You're not pregnant… Are you?"

"Oh…" He bit his lip and glanced at Johanna. "Yes… Unfortunately."

"Shit… Are you fuckin' with me?"

"No, Kelso, I'm not fuckin' with you." Anthony looked down and sighed. "I really am pregnant."

"Holy shit…" Jacob reached forward hesitantly and felt his friend's belly. "Holy SHIT! It's kicking me!"

"Ah…" Anthony cringed. "Yeah, Kelso, no shit."

"Holy SHIT!"

"You can stop saying that now."

"Yeah… Sorry, Hope."

"Thanks." Anthony rubbed his belly and sat down on the couch.

"How the hell did this happen?"

"It's a long story."

"What, you finally fuck a bitch?"

"No." Anthony sighed. "If you must know, I'm still a virgin. But if I did fuck a bitch, I wouldn't be the one who's pregnant. It just doesn't work that way."

"Oh." Jacob sat down by Sweeney and flashed a grin at Johanna. "Hey, girl."

"Hey… Uh…" Johanna squirmed uncomfortably. She didn't like to be stared at. "Anthony, why is he staring at me?"

"Oh, don't worry about it. Kelso may leer at you, but he's otherwise harmless." Anthony snapped his fingers and pointed at Jacob. "Kelso! Down, boy! Sit… Good boy!"

"I am NOT a dog." Jacob pouted, then wolf-whistled at Johanna. "Whoo!"

"Uh…" She fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Quit staring at my daughter." Sweeney slapped Jacob upside the head.

"Ow…" Jacob rubbed his head. "Okay, fine. Geez."

"Kelso, don't be an ass." Anthony took Johanna's hand. "She's not interested."

"Oh, c'mon! I can't look?"

"Well…" The younger sailor sighed. "I suppose you can look. But don't touch."

"I can do that."

"And no lewd comments."

"Well, DAMN, Hope, make this as difficult for me as you can!" Jacob chuckled, reached up, and patted Anthony's shoulder. "Nah, I'm just fuckin' with ya."

"Good, 'cause I'm not kidding."

"You're serious?"

"Would I joke about the woman I love?" Anthony stood up with some difficulty. "I'm gonna marry her, Kelso."

"What? What about sailing? Traveling? Everything?"

"Kelso, I'm going to have a baby in a few weeks. I wouldn't feel good about abandoning Johanna and leaving her to raise my child alone. A child needs a father. Just a mother won't do."

"And think of it this way." Johanna chimed in. "Anthony is eight months pregnant. Is it really a good idea for him to go back to work and give birth at sea? Given all the heavy lifting and the conditions of merchant ships, the baby probably wouldn't survive."

"Oi! The floors of The Bountiful are clean enough to eat off of!" Jacob protested.

"Shut the fuck up, Kelso." Anthony punched his arm and turned back to Johanna. "He only says that because he eats food he finds on the ground and he hasn't died from it yet. And he will eat anything, and I mean ANYTHING, for a penny. It's disgusting, really."

"I have an iron stomach." Jacob said proudly. "Unlike Hope. Wanna hear about that one time in India?"

"No, she doesn't." Anthony responded quickly. "Just thinking about it again has me nauseated."

"That's why it's funny."

"It's not funny."

"You're right, it's not funny. It's fucking hilarious."

"Yeah, you would think that." Anthony sat down on the couch and groaned. "Ah…"

"Doin' okay, Hope?" Jacob sat down by him and Johanna sat on his other side.

"I'm fine." Anthony rubbed his belly and sat back. "Just tired. Back hurts… Knees hurt… Hips hurt… Feet hurt… Baby won't stop kicking…" He closed his eyes.

"How'd you sleep last night?" Johanna asked.

"Fine, I guess. Took me awhile to fall asleep." He scratched his forehead. "Mr Todd snores."

"I do not!" Sweeney protested.

"Fine. You talk in your sleep."

"I-…" Sweeney thought for a moment. "Okay, yeah, I do."

"Hehehe." Jacob chuckled and rubbed Anthony's belly. "Damn, Hope, if I'd known this would happen, I would've visited sooner."

"Kelso, if _I_ had known, I wouldn't even be here. I would've probably stayed on the ship and I probably wouldn't have met Johanna." Anthony looked down. "I'd be worse off."

"How? You'd still have your brothers on The Bountiful."

"I'd be alone. I wouldn't have met Johanna and she'd still live with the judge. I wouldn't be pregnant, so I'd have nobody to talk to if I was alone."

"Ah… Yeah, I suppose that's true." Jacob poked his younger friend. "Are you ever coming back, though?"

"I don't know." Anthony shifted and got comfortable. "Like I said, I plan to be around to raise my baby. I might not even go back. Being a father is a full-time job and I seriously doubt that Johanna would want to make a go of it alone."

"He's right." Johanna twirled a strand of hair around her finger. "I don't. I'd be pretty angry if he left me."

"See?" He looked down. "Not to mention that Mr Todd would probably hunt me down and kill me if I did that."

"Es verdad. I would." Sweeney nonchalantly opened and closed his razor. "It would probably take a while, but I would do it."

"Exactly." Anthony shifted and rubbed his belly when he felt the baby kick him hard. "And since the person that got me pregnant is long gone anyhow…"

"Who was it, anyway?"

"Someone random, I guess." He shrugged. "I didn't get a good look at their faces and I didn't think to ask for a name."

"Why?"

"Kelso, I shouldn't have to explain this. I was being raped and I was half-conscious. I didn't really get an opportunity to say or do anything." Anthony shuddered at the memory. "I hope I never have to go through that ever again."

"I sure hope you don't." Johanna hugged him. "I don't think either one of us can handle another pregnancy."

"Nope." He cringed as the baby kicked again. "But I'm already pregnant, so what other shenanigans could I possibly get into?"

"You never know." Sweeney got up and sat by Johanna. "For all we know, you've got a little demon cooking in there."

(WTF)

"What the fuck?" Anthony didn't know what else to say. "What the hell kind of gin have you been drinking? I do not have a demon inside me."

"Just puttin' that out there." Sweeney put his hands up. "I mean, not that any of us are superstitious, right?"

"Mr Todd?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up before you say something stupid."

"Son, every time I open my mouth, I say something stupid."

"Eh… Yeah, I suppose that's true." Anthony shifted and cringed. "Ah…"

"Everything okay, Hope?" Jacob asked.

"Is it time?" Johanna took Anthony's hand.

"Oh…!" He grabbed his belly and groaned.

"Wait." Sweeney put his hand on Johanna's shoulder.

"Ah…" Anthony heaved a sigh and relaxed. "I can breathe now…"

"What was that?" Jacob asked.

"Just the baby."

"What?"

"It feels lower."

"Is that bad?"

"No, Kelso. It's normal." Sweeney got up and paced. "It means the baby's coming in a couple weeks."

"Oh." Jacob winced. "Does it hurt?"

"Does what hurt?"

"Having a kid."

"Well…" Sweeney bit his lip. "To put it delicately…"

"Just spit it out."

"Well… As Lucy said, it's like shitting a pineapple." He winced. "It's painful."

"Mr Todd! Geez!" Anthony covered his ears. "Shut the hell up! I don't want to hear how painful childbirth is! I'm the one that's going to have to go through it!"

"Sorry."

"I can't unhear that, you asshole." He glared at Sweeney. "Thanks."

"Sorry."

* * *

**Fucking writer's block. This chapter was a bitch to write.**

**If you missed the Ferris Bueller's Day Off reference, you clearly fail at life.**

**You've no idea how tempting it was to make Sweeney talk in ebonics.**


	16. Month 8, part 2: To the market!

**Summary: Well, it's about damn time I finished another chapter, isn't it?**

**Disclaimer: I only own Jacob Kelso and the fat guy that comes in later (portrayed by Larry the Cable Guy).**

* * *

"You'll tell the captain that I've been having a mess of problems, right?" Anthony asked.

"Yep." Jacob pulled his knapsack onto his back.

"Don't tell him that I'm pregnant. He's not going to believe that for a second."

"I know, Hope. Now, what exactly do you want me to say?"

"I dunno, say I'm recovering from a stab wound to the gut."

"Ha!" Jacob snorted. "You honestly think he'll believe THAT? Get real."

"Okay…" Anthony sighed and thought for a moment. "Say that the knife wound got infected and that I could die from it, 'cause I don't know any doctors and I'm taking care of myself."

"Okay." Jacob nodded. "Now, that's believable." He took a step forward and hugged Anthony. "Take care, Hope."

"I will."

"And take care of that baby of yours."

"Will do." Anthony chuckled. "Don't go gettin' all sappy on me."

"Okay, I won't." Jacob reached into his bag and pulled out his fez. "I have to go anyway." He put the fez on and flicked the tassel for good luck.

"And take that stupid thing off. You look like a total jackass."

"Would you rather I wear a tricorn?"

"No!" Anthony started to laugh. "Kelso, no. Just… no."

"Aw, hell. Whatever."

"Eh." He tucked his hair behind his ears. "So, um… Take care of yourself, then."

"Okay."

"No more eating things off the ground."

"Aw!"

"And no more swearing while you pray. We talked about that. Hell, we went over that back in Singapore, what, a year and a half ago?"

"Okay, Hope, I got it." Jacob grinned and adjusted his fez. "No more swearing while I pray and no more floor food."

"There's a good lad." Anthony gave his arm a gentle punch. "See ya."

"Bye."

_Later…_

"That was just odd." Sweeney commented when Anthony waddled into the barbershop.

"The last eight months have been odd." Anthony sat down on the mattress and rubbed his belly. "I suppose Johanna's serving customers?"

"Probably cleaning the shop. That's usually what they do on Sundays."

"Oh, right. Forgot it was Sunday." Anthony laid down and sighed. "Mr Todd?"

"Yes?"

"What motivated you to come out of your mother?"

"What?" Sweeney chuckled.

"I'm not joking." The sailor sighed. "I'm calling bullshit. Pregnancy is the worst."

"Who told you that it wasn't?"

"My mum, before my little sister was born." Anthony shifted and got comfortable. "Of course it would be easier for her."

"Yep, it tends to be easier for women, since they're sort of built for this." Sweeney sat down near Anthony's feet.

"I hate this."

"What do you hate?"

"How drastic of a change this is. My body has changed and I'm pretty sure I'm losing my mind."

"Well, Anthony, you're pregnant. I should think that you knew that something was going to change. Like it or not, there's a baby in there and it's going to mess with you."

"I didn't think it was going to be this bad!" He sighed. "I don't have a baby growing in me, Mr Todd. I have a damn planet!"

"You're not that big."

"Easy for you to say. You're not the one that has to look down at your stomach and suddenly see the outline of a foot! Do you have any idea how messed-up that is?"

"Anthony-"

"I can't control anything that happens to me!"

"Oi." Sweeney took hold of Anthony's shoulders. "You're getting upset."

"Of course I'm getting upset!" Anthony's lips trembled and tears rolled down his cheeks. "I can't control my body… I can't control my emotions… All I want to do right now is hit you in the face!"

"I know." Sweeney pulled him into a hug. "I've had to deal with this too. Everything turned out fine and I'm sure you'll get through it relatively unscathed."

"Stop saying that!" Anthony sniffled and let out a sob.

"I'm only trying to help." Sweeney patted his back. "But anyway, your son or daughter could be the best thing that's ever happened to you."

"You're forgetting that I wasn't supposed to get pregnant at 16." Anthony swept his hands over his cheeks. "I'm nowhere near ready for fatherhood."

"Or motherhood, as the case may be."

"I'm not supposed to be like this. It's impossible."

"And yet here you are."

"I'm just ready for this to be over."

"I know." Sweeney patted Anthony's back again. "How's your back?"

"Hurts."

"Feet?"

"Swollen as hell."

"What else hurts?"

"Hips. Knees. That's about it." Anthony looked down at his belly. "The baby won't stop kicking my kidney, either. I suppose that's normal."

"Yep." Sweeney reached down and touched the bump.

"Stop touching me."

"I'm sorry?"

"Whenever somebody touches my belly, the baby starts kicking and he doesn't stop."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Just don't touch me. And stop apologizing, you fucking pansy."

"Okay." Sweeney got up and started to pace.

"How am I going to go about proposing to Johanna?" Anthony asked after a few seconds.

"Eh?"

"I wasn't lying when I said I was going to marry her, Mr Todd." He shifted and got comfortable. "I just don't know how the hell I'm going to go about it."

"I don't suppose you can buy a ring for her."

"Hell no. Those cost more than I made in a year."

"You're thinking of the really expensive kind that the classy rich people buy."

"Well, yeah, what other kind is there?"

"Look at some of the vendors at the market. Look at some of the things they sell."

"And?"

"I can pretty much guarantee that you'll find something that is reasonably priced."

"Are you serious?"

"Yep. If you want, I can go with you to look. I'll even help you pay for the ring."

"Thanks. Probably a good idea." Anthony looked down at his belly. "If I went alone, I would probably get shot."

"Well… If I'm protecting you from a killer, I probably won't be much help. I don't run very fast, my bones are weak, and my fighting skills are sub-par, not to mention that I have no muscle anyway."

"Well, then."

"I AM an expert haggler, though."

"Are you, now?" Anthony shifted and grunted. "And I suppose I'm supposed to say that I'm your pregnant daughter when we go."

"We could just say that you're disgustingly overweight."

"That could work, except for the fact that my arms and legs look like sticks."

"Hmm... You're right. That does present a problem."

"You don't have to tell me twice. I worked hard for my muscles, especially around my arms." Anthony flexed his arms. "I used to be strong enough to pick you up and carry you. Now I could probably barely lift Johanna. Pisses me off."

"Well, you're not supposed to be doing any heavy lifting when you're pregnant anyway."

"But that's _all_ I've been doing for the past 2 years. I _am _a sailor, after all."

"You joined when you were 14?"

"15. I'll be 17 in three months."

"Oh. That's right." Sweeney ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "Yeah, I'm out of ideas."

"Fuck it." Anthony got up and paced. "Let's go. We'll figure it out on the way. We can pool our money and see what we can do."

"Okay. I'll go get my coat."

"You're already wearing one."

"This is my barbering coat."

"…You actually have a coat for that?"

"It keeps my shirts clean. Shut up."

"Uh…"

"Be back in a second!" Sweeney got up before Anthony could say anything more and promptly tripped over his own feet.

"Walk much, dumbass?"

"Oh, shut up." He got up. "I meant to do that." He grabbed his overcoat off a hook on the wall.

"Keep tellin' yourself that, Mr T."

"I will." Sweeney buttoned his overcoat. "Ready to go?"

"Yep."

* * *

"Why is everybody staring at us?" Anthony glanced around at everybody.

"Do you seriously have to ask that?" Sweeney steered him over to the side of the road with a hand on his shoulder. "It's kind of hard not to look at a pregnant woman when she walks by."

"Pregnant MAN." Anthony elbowed Sweeney in the ribs. "Get it right, idiot."

"Just let people think you're a woman. It'll raise less questions."

"An unmarried female with a belly out to here? Are you serious?"

"Just go with it."

"How exactly is this going over in your head?"

"Just… Let me do the talking."

"Oh, you with your foot-in-mouth disease?"

"Well, if you do it…"

"Then they'll just think I'm a girl with a very deep voice."

"…Yeah, you'd best let me do the talking."

"Fine." Anthony sighed. "So I'm a mute, then?"

"Sure. Let's go with that."

"What's my name? Johanna?"

"That works." Sweeney dug through his pockets. "Should I write this down?"

"You probably don't need to. Let's go over it."

"Your name is Johanna and you're getting married in a month. Your fiancée couldn't come with us to pick out a ring, so I came with to help. Sound about right?"

"Sounds good, but you left out the bit about me being mute."

"Sorry." Sweeney unbuttoned his coat. "Ready?"

"Ready." They started to walk. "How about this guy over here?"

"Let's go look." They walked over to a booth that had a fat guy in a green waistcoat behind it.

"Hello, sir." Sweeney put on his 'friendly' face. "You wouldn't happen to sell engagement rings, would you?"

"Why, yes, my good man!" The fat guy gestured to the selection of jewelry laid out on the tabletop. "Engagement rings are my specialty, and at a good price, to boot!" He leaned in closer with a wry smile on his face. "So who's the lucky lady?"

"My daughter, actually. She's getting married in a month and her fiancée still wants to buy her a ring." The barber put his arm around Anthony's shoulders. "He couldn't make it here today because he's sick, so of course her dear ol' dad volunteered."

"I see. What's your name, lass?"

Anthony just shook his head.

"What's the matter, love? Cat got your tongue?"

"She's mute." Sweeney patted Anthony's shoulder. "Her name is Johanna."

"Okay." The fat guy tilted his head. "Any reason she's dressed like that?"

"Huh?" Sweeney looked down at Anthony's clothes. "Oh. She doesn't like dresses. She prefers men's clothing."

"Ah… Well. Alrighty then." The fat guy gestured to the selection of rings. "Take your pick."

"Mmm." Anthony looked down and tilted his head to the side.

"Gettin' married with a bun in the oven, I see."

"What?" Sweeney looked up.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that she's gonna have a baby soon."

The sailor rubbed his belly and nodded absently.

"I don't really think that's any of your business, sir." Sweeney said firmly.

"Sorry." The fat guy squinted. "Hey, you're that guy!"

"I'm sorry?"

"You're that crazy guy!"

"…Can you please be more specific?"

"You're that crazy barber from Fleet Street! The one that beat that Italian hair tonic guy in a shaving contest!"

"Oh… Yep, that's me. I'm that guy. Sweeney Todd of Fleet Street."

"Oh, man! Nobody is gonna believe me when I say Sweeney Todd himself brought his daughter to MY booth to pick out her engagement ring!"

"Uh… Oh, geez..." Sweeney looked uncomfortable. "Sir, keep it down, please. People are starting to stare."

"Praise the Lord!" The fat guy lifted his arms. "This is a dadgum miracle! I'm gonna start goin' to church every Sunday! Except next Sunday, 'cause I'm goin' fishin' that day."

"…You're scaring me."

"Sorry. I'm just excited."

"Ah…" Anthony grunted and rubbed his belly when the baby kicked.

"You all right?"

"Mm-hmm." He nodded.

"Okay." The fat guy held his hand out to Sweeney. "The name's Larry."

"Hi." Sweeney shook Larry's hand. "Found anything, Johanna?"

Anthony held his index finger up.

"I see you lookin' at the blue one." Larry took out a simple silver band with a small blue jewel in it and held it up.

"Hm…" Anthony tilted his head to the side.

"That one looks nice." Sweeney squinted at the ring and the sailor nodded in agreement.

"This one, then?"

"Yep."

"Okay." Larry dug around for a little box.

"You're thinking of what happens next, right?" Sweeney whispered to Anthony.

"I'll tell you on the way back." Anthony didn't move his lips.

"Here ya go." Larry held the box out.

"Thanks." Sweeney took some money out of his pocket and paid for the ring.

"No problem. And you can bet that I'll be comin' to you for a shave soon."

"I appreciate that."

"No problem." Larry turned to tidy the booth as Sweeney and Anthony started to walk away.

"Wow… That actually went better than I expected." Anthony sounded relieved.

"Yes, it did." Sweeney let out a relieved chuckle. "That was, what, the second thing you've posed as?"

"Eh?"

"Let's see… You've posed as a wigmaker's apprentice and my daughter."

"Oh. Yeah, that's about right. Guess it's a good thing I have such a feminine face, eh?"

"Yup."

"Hey... I could be an actor if I wanted to."

"Probably. You nailed this role today."

"I did, didn't I?" Anthony looked down at the little box in his hand. "Do you think she'll like it?"

"Sure. She loves blue."

"Think she'll care that it's not gold?"

"Anthony, if I know my daughter, she'll appreciate it because you thought of her and that you did your best with it. Besides, silver looks better than gold in most situations anyway."

"Okay… But if you're wrong, I'll kick your ass."

"When you see I'm right, you'll be kissing my ass."

"Ha! We'll see about that."

* * *

**FINALLY! Took me long enough, but I finally finished this motherfucker!**


End file.
